sunday afternoon

Screaming Into My Pillow - Resolution 2010

2010-01-26T22:48:00.002-05:00

I wrote this a few weeks ago, but January has sort of been a whirlwind, and internet access has been slim and limited. Here it is though... a bit belated:

2009 was quite a year! For its first six months, I spent all my time and energy outside of work to create “Love Story Soundtrack,” and make it come to life on stage with a small and incredible group of gorgeous people. In between rehearsals, I did my best to soak up lovely Montreal, going out to dine, to drink, to spend time with my friends despite my need to save money for my upcoming travels – I was wrapping up my life in Montreal… and it was no time to waste it by being a cheap hermit. Then, before I knew it, I was on a van packed with the remaining of my things, on a road trip back to Toronto with Louis, leaving behind many cherished memories, many special patches of grass, benches and balconies… but I knew - it was time to move on. After one incredible week in Toronto spent with Jane, Alex, Louis and all my dear friends from T.Dot, I was off to Taiwan to spend a week with mom and dad. I never had a moment to realize that I had just thrown everything up into thin air, not knowing what was going to fall into my arms in the next… the next… day? Week? Year? Eternity?

I remember arriving on Koh San Road, alone with my backpack, being greeted by touts after touts, asking me if I needed a room, asking me where I was from, shouting “Canada!” at me (after seeing the flag sewed on my bag)… and me, trying to not look like a first time traveler, like I was rushing past them... smiling, saying hello back, trying to figure out who I could trust. I walked into a few hostels, saw a few horrible rooms for prices that seemed much higher than what I had expected. Somehow, I knew I could find better… and yet, I still doubted whether my expectations were realistic – I had never been in Thailand before, after all. Soon enough though, I found myself a room, and headed off to lunch. Sitting alone, I looked around me to find friendly faces to approach… but alas. I had finished my lunch and no one had even said a single word to me. Fortunately, I spotted a couple from England and ended up spending the day with them, visiting the wats of Bangkok. After we separated that afternoon, I never ran into them again. We had plans to meet up again at a bar at 7pm, but somehow, we missed each other. Though if I hadn’t been alone at the time, I would not have met Lawton and Mark, with whom I spent the next ten blissful days. Then, as we sadly went our separate ways, I was on my own again in Borneo... but only for a couple of days. Soon, I had met Marie, Jack and Adrian, and Amanda, Erik and Stephen… and the list went on and on. The next chapter was going to be Indonesia, and I was lucky that Jack wanted to tag along. Soon, another wave of adventure began, and I met another herd of incredible travelers. Within five months spent in South East Asia, I had met more strangers than I had in my entire life and come to trust many of them with my life within hours of learning their names. It was incredible. While backpacking, everybody looked out for each other. Why couldn’t we have that kind of trust and generosity while living in our comfortable homes? Why do we have so much less to give when we live more stable lives?

In the last six months of 2009, I lived a life where no day was planned and spontaneous decisions were always possible. Why couldn’t we go to Vietnam instead of Burma? Why couldn’t we leave this town in two hours as opposed to two days? If something wasn’t right, there was always an alternative, there was always a way to choose the better option. I was lucky, as well, to have found Jack; a fun fellow traveler who wanted to travel the same way as I did, who became a good friend, who became a crush, who became a boyfriend. Now, six months after I've left home, I am sitting in the Southern hemisphere, living with Jack, working as a waitress to replenish my bank account… pondering what the next year will bring.

Already, I know that I will be back in Canada by June, after a year of travels. Already, I roughly know what the next six months will have in store for me… and I can’t wait to experience it all! But when I get back to Canada to start a life in Toronto, a whole new world will begin once more…

I’ve learned many things in 2009, and if there’s one thing I must single out, it is that it is possible to live the life that you want, to make choices and changes, no matter how crazy they are, that make you happy. At the end of the day, it is your life. And you must be in control of how you are living it.

So my resolution for 2010 is simply to focus. Focus on myself, on what I want, what I want to achieve… on my own dreams, on being happy. And here are a few things that, I believe, will help me achieve it:

- Forget limits. It’s so easy to suffocate your decisions with limits when living in a routine life. But the truth is – anything is possible. You can live in Madagascar if you want to. You can quit your job... you can even quit your career. You can learn how to ski. It’s possible. You just have to decide to do it… Just gotta remember – you actually do have control of your life.

- Treat everybody as equals. No matter how old or how young they are, no matter if it’s your superior or subordinate, treat everybody as your equal. Bosses have no right to talk down to you and you have no right to talk down to subordinates. We all have stories, we all have lives… we all have families, personal issues, bad days, past achievements… It’s incredibly silly how easily people can forget that we are all, actually, human beings. By treating everybody as equals, you remember that you have important things to offer, you stop feeling guilty about making decisions like saying not saying “yes” all the time, you become more compassionate, more understanding and more trusting, you realize that you can be yourself all the time, and basically, you learn to respect everybody around you, and most importantly, you learn to respect yourself.

- Screw fear! This one’s gonna be a tough one… but screw decisions like taking a long-term job out of fear of not finding one that you actually want, doing something you don’t want to do because you are afraid of hurting somebody else’s feelings (trust me, being honest is usually best for everybody, even if it means hurting somebody… the damage will be greater if you lie to yourself and the other person involved!) or keep pushing back decisions, aspirations or projects… fearing that you might fail. And evidently, the list goes on…

- Get priorities straight. Health and safety come before work. No matter how busy life gets, quality time with family and friends (even if they will always be there for you) is absolutely mandatory. Life is about the people that you love who love you back. It’s about the little things that make you smile and the big deals that make you jump up for joy. It’s about being so excited that you have to scream into your pillow… and ultimately, it’s about knowing that you can make the decisions to lead you to just that – screaming into your pillow.

So, there you have it. In 2010, I’m going to strive to not be afraid, to stop setting obstacles for myself, to respect everybody I encounter… and basically, to focus on who I am, on the things and the people that I love so dearly, and to find that my happiness will essentially, come screaming from within me, straight into my trusted pillow.

Lines

2009-11-09T02:26:00.002-05:00

Perfect lines.
Spots, for everything.
Couches, pillows, not to be wrinkled.
A single crumb? Unacceptable.
Here's the drill.
Steps 1, 2, 3.
Smiles after prosecutions.
Measurements.
Timed.
For the record.
Reasons, for everything.
Reasons? Or excuses...
But.. it wasn't me.
Home?
Please, make yourself feel at home.

The Smell of Green Grass

2009-05-13T15:39:00.004-04:00

Getting acquainted with green grass again. Sitting in the sun, with a cup of espresso. Maybe a glass of wine later. Though a cold beer seems more appropriate. On my patio facing the alleyway. A moment alone, grinning at the world.

Like These Rainy Days

2009-05-07T10:29:00.005-04:00

This is the type of rainy day where you can stand in the doorway of your balcony, sipping fresh coffee, watching the clouds watering the city, giving life to the budding trees. It feels quiet. It's the type of day where you wear your raincoat and watch the drops hanging on to the rims of your raincoat hood, blink when some of them let go, then giggle at yourself for this silly fascination. You remember to breathe in, and the air tastes so fresh in your lungs. It feels healthy. You think, I'd like to go sit in the thick fog that's engulfing the mountain this morning. Getting home, you notice that the back of your pants are wet from splashes of your own footsteps and you think about changing into dry and clean clothes. But before you get dressed again, you realize that the idea of taking a hot shower is marvelous and you grab your towel instead. It's just that type of day. You open up the curtains to let the cloudy sunlight in, lie in bed and stare out the window. You close your eyes to listen to the rain... and maybe doze off. When you wake up, you stay in bed, or slip under a blanket on the couch. Time for another hot beverage. Maybe a hot chocolate this time. Curling up in a comfortable chair, wrapping both hands around your big hot mug, holding it close to your lips as you softly blow your drink to cool it down... staring out the window, you think, I like this type of rainy day.

May I Have Some Cheese, Please?

2009-04-08T00:28:00.004-04:00

I just want to eat cheese with you. And talk about my day, about your day. Especially about your day. I'd know all the details from yesterday so you wouldn't have to start from the beginning. Just following up, every day. I can't believe that's what she did. I'm glad that he came through for you. It was about time they replaced those green coffee mugs on that second super gross stained shelf in the kitchen.

It's nice to be with you. Nice, for the lack of a better word. You are my world. All my troubles fade away when I'm with you. It's nice to be able to say these amazingly cheesy things to you. To have you snicker at me, at the corners of your lips, and yet, know... there's a lot of truth in those words.

Soon

2009-03-23T11:08:00.002-04:00

The weather's getting warmer and I'm switching my winter coat for a lighter jacket. I'm gonna be able to go sit and read in the park, soon.

The birds are chirping. That always makes me want to laugh out loud. It's almost time for the city to be painted green with baby grass and baby leafs. We're gonna be able to eat and drink on a Montreal patio, soon.

The spring is coming and you and you and you... are leaving me, soon.

So scared and so excited. I suppose I will be leaving this, soon, too.

Good Night

2009-03-07T23:45:00.003-05:00

I never take care of my hair. I want coffee mug rings on my new wooden shelf. Or wine glass rings... they seem romantic to me - aren't they to you? I'd like to sit by the fire in a big old stained sweater. I'd also like to fall asleep now. And for once, I'd like to not dream. I'd like to sleep, and wake up when I'm ready, breathe in... satiated with rest. I'm curious about frogs. Or at least I am at this very moment.

Arms to Sleep In

2009-02-26T11:11:00.004-05:00

Would you lie next to me
Let my head find its spot on your shoulder
As if custom made for me

Would you wrap your arm around me
Let me lay cradled on your side
Slow down my breath and close my eyes

Would you kiss my hair
Let me fall gently asleep...
I promise to meet you in my dreams

Would you have arms for me to sleep in
A cozy nook molded perfectly for me
Where I can fade away
Just from a single brush of your lips

The Universe

2009-01-26T16:36:00.002-05:00

The universe has a way of making things happen. I took some time off from the world, and now that I'm ready to run forward again, the universe is helping me make it happen.

Isn't that such a sweet and easy explanation for it all?

Or maybe... it's just me. Just me finally going out there and making it happen. Or maybe... it's been happening all along, and I just wasn't able to appreciate any of it.

Who knows, really. But why must we always be asking this question?

To figure out how to hang on to that giggle in your stomach that puts a smile on your face and prompts your heart to race... Sounds about right.

Then again, if it is the universe... how do you hang on to that?

I'll Be Just Fine 2009

2009-01-06T16:25:00.003-05:00

I'm sure "fine" and "09" will be paired together in more ways than we'd like for the next 300 days or so. But I thought I'd use it now before it gets... on our nerves. =p

Well truth is, I thought for a while about what I oughta write for my annual "Happy New Year" entry, but finally, I decided that heck, it's just another year.

As midnight hits and the new year begins, it seems as if everything lifts somehow. This year, I felt the air become crisper, the sky become farther.. and the world become so much bigger.

It's another year. I have absolutely no idea what is in store for me this time around. Though as I look back, I know I've experienced and learned a great deal of unexpected things in each passing year, so what's the use in planning or worrying about what's next? Whatever's gonna happen... is gonna happen.

All I have left to do is to be open to everything I will encounter. I'll try to try more. To be more excited. To get myself in scary situations. To get my heart racing... for any reason.

The important thing is, I know that whatever happens this year, I know I'll be just fine. And hopefully, by the next countdown, I will be more wise, more humble, more calm and more grateful.

I'm looking forward to it.

Look How Far We've Come

2008-12-03T14:18:00.002-05:00

I look back on all the ups and downs that you and I have gone through, and sometimes think to myself - "Did we really go through that? Was that really you and me?"

Year after year after year go by... all within the blink of an eye. Or at least that's how it feels like when we finally notice it. And then, within the next second, we can reminisce and realize - "Wow, we've known each other for a looong time."

Next, we realize that it really was you and me, that it really is you and me. It really was you and me that went through those times of utter awkwardness, those times where we couldn't or didn't even want to speak to each other, where we questioned our friendship and whether we would survive this. It also really was you and me who laughed till we couldn't breathe, who sat with each other while we cried and who shared secrets because we saw real friends in each other.

That's why you and me are who and where we are today.

That's also why, thinking back on those moments of utter awkwardness, I can remind myself that... because we care about each other, this too shall and will pass.

Speak Your Heart

2008-11-16T16:31:00.004-05:00

And someone will listen... eventually.

I Don't Know

2008-11-11T23:48:00.000-05:00

But I will figure it out. At least I know that.

In Barely Two Heartbeats

2008-11-09T14:39:00.002-05:00

Funny how one single passing thought can change the lighting of your entire day.

Are You The Favorite Person of Anybody?

2008-10-07T10:44:00.000-04:00

Booboo

2008-10-05T01:06:00.002-04:00

Remember when we were four.. or five or six or seven years old, and we were always so eager to show off our booboos? Look at this scratch, this bruise, this scar - the bigger they were, the better. Hey, look what I've overcome!

Since when did we stop being proud of our booboos?

October 1st

2008-10-01T23:05:00.003-04:00

An old song on my guitar
Me, wrapped in my big sweater
A tall glass of steamed milk
With a pinch of sugar
A small autumn leaf
Words, well thought out
A happy and quiet smile
Here comes tomorrow

Always Learning About You

2008-09-23T12:09:00.005-04:00

People come and go from our lives. Some stay only through one, or maybe two chapters of our lives and are forever gone. And some come back - for another short while, or forever. Others... stick around. They're merely strangers who somehow happen to become your friends after years of running into each other. Or friends who become best friends. Or best friends who become family. Or family who become best friends.

Why do people connect with you at one point, but not at another? Why do some acquaintances stay in our lives for years, while loved ones leave? Why do friendships fade away? Why can people stay in love, while others can't?

How it all happens, I don't know. Do I believe in fate? In happenstance? In serendipity? In coincidence? In right place at the right time? Maybe it doesn't matter. The only important thing, I suppose... is that it happens.

I have people in my life who have come and gone. And come back again. I have people in my life who have stuck around. Who have gotten close to me, who I've connected with. But at times we come to a lull, where things aren't clicking as easily... and then, things tend to pick up again, especially with my dearest friends. Truthfully, it's all that back and forth that's kept it so worthwhile.

I know I'm always learning from people around me. Friends who have gone from my life sometimes come back to offer so much insight. They're so familiar, and yet so new. Their changes make you learn about them, from them... and about yourself. Friends who have stuck around offer even more insight. Even after you think you know your closest friends inside out, you continue to get a better understanding of who they are with everyday that goes by. New things happen to everybody each day, changing us and shaping us little by little - and it's noticing and keeping up with the new tid bits of one another in each new situation, no matter how little they are, that's the challenge, and the reward.

Maybe it's been more obvious to me lately, as the people around me are growing more and more into themselves. Maybe it's the twenties. But I'd like to believe that this growth of ourselves within each other... will go on always.

So, dear friends who have played such important parts in my life, I shall never take you for granted and always keep learning about you. You're becoming more whole to me each time we're together. And those who have left me thus far, whether we've exchanged only two words, or shared two years of memories, I look forward to the possibility of getting to know you better again. Because who knows...? Until the day I breathe my last breath, you and I might meet again.

When Mothers Cry

2008-09-14T09:38:00.002-04:00

When mothers cry, it seems like something must be terribly wrong, no matter the reason. It feels like there is nothing you can do, but only to embrace them.

When mothers cry, it seems like love is overflowing through their eyes. It's as if they are unable to contain it - this feeling only they can understand.

When mothers cry, it seems like a piece of you gets lost, or flies to them, though unsure if it helps them at all, or if it just vanishes somewhere in the universe.

When mothers cry, it seems like I cannot help it either. That same knot returns to my stomach, rises up to my throat, and finally turns into salty water running down my cheeks.

My Shelves of Memories

2008-09-02T21:36:00.002-04:00

I am not tucking anything away. Not packing any cardboard boxes. Not locking anything up. Not throwing out keys.

I am who I am for all the events, all the people and all the emotions of my precious goodnights.

I am simply placing each moment, along with all its splashes of sadness and happiness, onto my shelves of memories. I am placing them there, where I can reach for them whenever I need... some, more often than others.

I am not going to try forgetting. To get a new canvas. To put them completely behind me.

I am placing each moment onto my shelves of memories... with my favourite ones on the top shelf, too!

My Grandma Dream

2008-08-13T11:40:00.003-04:00

I've decided that I'll be the type of grandma who bakes cookies and tells fairy tales based on my own life. And yes, I've decided that I will live fairy tales. In fact, I already have.

Making Love

2008-08-09T15:04:00.003-04:00

going reading in the parc
soaking in the sun
putting on a pretty skirt
laughing till it hurts

singing in my bubbly bath
baking little treats
toasting in good company
sleeping in to dream

making love
i'm making love
inside little me

Lovely Apartment

2008-08-05T00:47:00.000-04:00

Apparently Lovely Montreal Apartments are for lovers only. I’ve been looking for a sweet little home for my best friend and I, but… after seeing nearly 20 apartments…

Landlord: Is it for a couple?

Me: No, it’s for two roommates.

Landlord: Ooh… well, this place is best for couples.

Me: Oh.

But… I want lovely apartment!

Hmmmm… what to do, what to do… I suppose I must find me a love.

Hey you. Will you marry me for lovely apartment?

Lovely.

What If...

2008-08-01T17:46:00.000-04:00

What if is good for perspective

What if is bad for regrets

What if is good for innovation

What is is bad for paranoia

What if is good for trying

What if is bad for indecisiveness

What if is good for spontaneity

What if… there is no what if

Rain Today

2008-07-29T16:45:00.000-04:00

It’s been cloudy and sunny all summer. It’s been cloudy for only a few hours at a time. And then rays of the sun would peak through, revealing the beautiful blue sky. Walking around beautiful streets of Montreal, what a beautiful day! But the next thing you know…

Look up, hear the thunder - there’s a storm a-brewin.. And then it rains. It pours, even… but it never lasts for long. Shortly, the blue sky will return.

Somebody must be wishing the rain to come back another day.

But I beg of you, rain, rain… don’t go away. Rain today. Rain all you need to rain today. Then leave us… leave us for good to allow for long sunny august days.

Rational With My Heart

2008-06-20T10:33:00.007-04:00

I've never been a big fan of drama. I'm not a very crazy person. In fact, I've come to realize that I often use reason to make sense of my life. Rational? Me? Really? I'm sure most of my friends see me as someone who's very much in touch with my emotions. After all, I'm the one who has always been preaching all the people of the world to follow their hearts. One of my favorite quotes is Coelho's "Your heart decides, and what it decides is all that really matters" and I'll always believe that.

However, it's true.. I reason, I empathize, I try to understand what it's like to be in the other person's shoes, always making sure that I've looked at it from another perspective. I've met too many people who have been too stubborn to accept theories other than their own... making them quite difficult to deal with. I never wish to be that person. Plus... it's much easier on me to realize that there's a reason behind somebody's thoughts and actions, to be able to say "I understand."

Does that put me on the losing end of things? One of my closest friends told me that I was likely the most understanding person that she knew... but then added that it probably resulted in me getting the shaft more often than others. I mean... I see what she's saying (see what I'm doing?) - but, the thing is... I feel that it is almost a self-preservation technique. If I can rationalize it, it makes it better.

I'd rather understand the whole situation than sulk and submerge myself in confusion and anger. That can't honestly be healthy, can it? It might make things easier, in the short run, to place the blame on others and convince yourself that you're the victim of the entire thing... but in the long run... I'd think that all that hatred would turn anyone into quite a bitter person.

Of course, that doesn't mean that I'm not a huge sucker for matters of the heart. And I still believe that decisions are best made with your heart as opposed to your head. I just know that we can be true to ourselves and our hearts without being completely crazy and irrational. I'm not gonna lie... sometimes, it gets pretty hard... but heart should not equal crazy!

I think that we're all more different from each other than we believe... We take too much for granted and assume too often that what we say and do are interpreted the same way as we intend them to be.

So... before jumping to conclusions and breaking your own heart - just talk. Just communicate. I'm sure that more often than not, it would make sense... and make it all easier to deal with.

Well, at least it does for me.

Growing Up Is Hard to Do

2008-06-11T14:33:00.005-04:00

It's a year after my graduation from university, and it seems as though it is only now that I'm feeling like I'm stepping onto the next stage of life. How come?

Well, the most obvious reason is that friends are picking up and leaving. A few of us had decided to stay in Montreal after graduation because we were so fond of the city. Others have stayed to finish their degree. Now, most of us are gone, or leaving... because it's time to move on.

Some of us are moving on to post-graduate studies, some to work, some to go back home, and some to travel and live a new adventure. It's strange - for those of us who have moved on already, a year ago... you'd think that, as we're farther ahead in our careers than others, like myself, we would surely feel more grown up... and surely, we would've already gotten over the bittersweet ending of our student lives. Funny how that doesn't hold true. In fact, it is only now that it's all starting to sink in. We're not students anymore. We're not kids anymore.

But who says that anything needs to change, right? Why can't we live life as we always have? Even if we're working full-time, why should the relationships that we've taken so long to establish and learned to cherish have to change at all?

Well, because life happens... and we no longer make our decision based on our friends. Our thoughts no longer revolve around whether we should go to the school dance, or whether we should study together. We start thinking about what we want, deep inside. What career do I want? Which city do I want to live in? Who do I truly love? Do I want to get married? Do I want children? When do I want to settle down? Do I want to settle down? What do I want to do before I settle down? What do I want out of life?

And as we define ourselves more and more, we tend to make more important and more specific decisions. We move to a different city, we go back to school to get the degree we should have pursued in the first place, we give up things we care about for other things we care more about, we take a job abroad, we break-up, we become more honest with ourselves, we prioritize, we think about our values... we grow up.

I'm 23 years old. I work in the industry of my dreams. I have a job that gives me the freedom to make my own share of rules, the independence and leadership that I am capable of handling, the opportunity to learn, to be challenged, to wear a t-shirt, jeans and flip flops every day, the luxury of having lunch on the mountain that is just a couple of blocs away... I have friends I know I'll never lose. People who are there for me, who understand me, people with whom I can really connect with. I really don't have much to complain about.

So why am I weary of the future? Why is it so easy to feel alone? Why do I keep on trying to hang on to the threads of the past?

Things are changing. And since the past is the only thing we really know, it's safer to wish that the good things that we have today will remain. But as we move on, we start caring about different things. In building our lives, we take on more and more responsibilities - towards our career, our loved one... and eventually, our own family, maybe. And though we'll never lose our true friends, they'll take a back seat in the scheme of things. It's those who can let you go and understand that you need to live the life you want (or think you do) while still knowing how to stay in your life somehow who'll remain your true friends. Those are the people you know you'll always be able to rely on... ouf, what a load, right? I guess that's just how precious friendship is. Your closest friends are there for you despite time, distance or change. They keep you grounded. They remind you of who you've always been and wanted to be. And you'll always love each other and you'll always connect... no matter how much things might change.

That's comforting, isn't it? I know that's what's keeping me going on. Of course, it doesn't stop me from being sad to admit that we won't be able to walk down the street and see each other as often as we'd like to and share our everyday thoughts with each other...

As we come out of school, the whole world opens up to us. Some of us follow a path we've always known. Some take chances. Some go where the money is. Some follow their dreams. I guess we're all bound to go through this period feeling alone, no matter what we choose. I'm sure that we all ask ourselves these never ending questions and make life defining decisions based on the answers we give ourselves... hoping and convincing ourselves that they are right.

Living a life you settled for is sad... and though living the life you want may feel lonely at times, I know I'm part of the lucky ones that'll always keep going after the life that they truly want.

I guess I really am at the better end of all this.

I know that the best time of my life is yet to come. I know this is all just a part of growing up... I'm just sayin - it ain't easy to let go!

Love You Forever

2008-03-17T01:00:00.003-04:00

So glad you came in my life
So glad our love was so real, it’s so nice
So sorry it had to end
Don’t worry my heart will mend
I know that we will be friends

Oh baby…

I really did love you
I really do love you
I really will love you forever
Whatever shape or form
My love for you becomes
I know I will love you forever

The truth is I’d like to cry
But what we said was goodnight, not goodbye
And if I’m not gonna lie
The only reason I’ve cried
Is ‘caus I miss you tonight

Somewhere inside I'm so sad
I know this isn’t what I had in mind
The thing is when I think back
On times that you and I had
It only just makes me smile

So glad you came in my life
So glad our love was so real, it’s so nice
So sorry it had to end
Don’t worry my heart will mend
I know we will be friends

Happy 2008. A little Belated.

2008-01-11T16:55:00.000-05:00

Happy New Year! New Year's resolution? "Oh, just do it."

Yup, that sums it up! Stop thinking about it. Stop thinking about the implications. The future. Just do it. Here is the thought process:

Is it something you want? If yes, proceed.
Is this something that makes you happy? If yes, PROCEED.

As simple as that. Of course, if I were an evil person, it would not be a very good resolution.... because I would probably hurt lots of poeple and break lots of things. Thankfully, disregarding other's feelings does not make me happy. What I want, at least for today, is to better myself... in every way. Live happy.

Actually, live happy is the first step. Everybody's I think. Then, when you are happy, you can really start to accomplish things. Real things. Things like being able to listen. Love. Believe in others. But especially, believe in yourself.

I remember talking about being happy a lot. About what it takes for someone to be happy. I always loved the quote: "There is no way to happiness. Happiness is the way." And I still find it oh so very wise. Although, I must say... sometimes, it gets hard. When things just don't go the way you thought they would. When your heart breaks. When you get let down. When you have what-else-can-possibly-go-wrong days and yet another thing goes wrong... and another. Anyway, you get my point.

What is the key then? Ah, who knows. For me, it was not giving up. Of course, it helps that I have amazing people around me. Who don't tell me that the world is wonderful... but who are there for me when it isn't. They don't promise that things will be okay, but tell me I must move on. On top of that, they don't do it in a mean, lecturing voice, but in a loving and soothing tone! haha. I just figure.. if people like them exist, the world can't be that bad.

And it really isn't! And here we are again. With the key. The believing. The faith. The unfailing positive attitude. I will say no more. Only you can convince you. Or if you have friends with loving and soothing voices, you should ask them to convince you. It's worth it, just trust me.

Wow! Well that was a long tangent. All this to say that... for the first time in a long time, I am happy. And I am ready to get started on doing all those real things. Like being able to listen. Love. Believe in others. Believe in myself.... to do all the things I've been dreaming of doing.

To look at my to-do list, say "Oh, just do it..." and actually do it.

I Just Want to Be Happy

2007-01-28T16:39:00.000-05:00

I just want to be happy. I just want things to be simple. Straightforward. Honest and real.

I just want it to be easy. To talk. To communicate. To understand. Just like that.

I just want to get what a want. Without having to try too hard. Without having to work or fight for it. Without having to walk the right winding path.

I just want to do it all the right way. No mistakes. No falling down. I just want to stand tall.

I just want to trust. To never have to doubt you. To never have to wonder if you mean what you say. Or say what you mean.

I just want you to know. Who I am. What makes me laugh. What makes me cry.

I just want to laugh. Never want to cry. Never want to feel sad. I just want to smile.

I just want to be happy. For me. For you. For everybody.

It's quite a childish way of thinking, I suppose.
It's quite funny, I guess.
It's really quite unreasonable, I know.

It's quite boring... perhaps.

But can I just wish this..?

Just for one single moment, one single second...

To just simply be happy.

Here's to 2007

2007-01-01T14:40:00.000-05:00

Happy new year! That seems like the most appropriate thing to say on a day such as this. Well, I mean, on the first day of the year. WOoohooOo! (Can you tell I'm not all there? =p)

It's been a short break. It's been a long crazy year. I suppose I'm glad it's all over. But friends have come and gone away for the break. And now, it's back to reality.

Last few months of school. Last term in class. Maybe forever.

I have no idea where I'll be by this time next year.

But here's to Good Things. Here's to taking more risks, making more bad decisions (hopefully less than last year). Here's to growing up, growing wiser as opposed to growing bitter... and hopefully growing more brave to go for the things we really do hold dear to our hearts. Like dreams. Like passion. Like love.

Here's to more good than bad. More laughs than tears... and always more food and wine than empty stomachs.

Here's to you, friends! Have an amazing one.

Can't Sleep

2006-12-15T01:34:00.000-05:00

I didn't even have any coffee today. I mean, at least not anytime after six... as I always try to avoid. In fact, I didn't even have any coffee after four, for that matter. Sure, I had two large ones before then, but it was still before four.

I should be tired. I really should be. I woke up, unwilling to get up this morning. I spent all day at the laundromat cafe. It was really nice. I should go there more often. I spent all day at the laundromat cafe, studying, sipping coffee, havind lunch... and well, doing laundry. It was nice. I got a lot done. Without stressing. It was really nice at the laundromat cafe.

I say that I am freaked out for my second exam on Tuesday. And I am. I mean I very well should be. I know nothing. I literally have no idea what the material is. And I shall be on stage tomorrow night, twice on saturday, and twice on sunday. When will I study? I guess I have Monday. But Monday isn't enough. Didn't I mention that I know nothing? Yet I could not bring myself to start studying tonight. A good night's sleep I said I needed. An early start in the morning is better than a late night up.

Now I have gotten out of bed. It's late. I'm still awake. And I will have to wake up early tomorrow morning for my early start that I specifically planned for so that everything could turn out to be dandy. That was a long sentence. I know. Look how everything worked out so well.

I am wide awake. Even though I really thought I was tired. I mean, I did have a long day. After spending all day getting a lot done at the laundromat cafe, I headed over to the theatre. Just in time to put on scandalous makeup, costumes... warm up, and razzle dazzle. It's fun playing a murderess. Fun being a jailbird. I get to climb and hang off of a scaffolding. I get to watch the show on stage. I get to be a prima donna, a total snob... completely irritating. Oh how fun to be an actor!

But also how tiring. If I don't sleep now, I will be tired in the morning. I probably wouldn't be productive when I will attempt to study. And then I will be tired for my show. I'm already a little sore from climbing the scaffolding. What if I forget my moves? There were some moves that I missed tonight. How did they go again? Oh yes, I have to remember that. And this. And that.

I should be tired. I really should be tired. I don't understand why I can't sleep. I don't understand it at all.

I made some tea. It's called dreamland. I suppose it's supposed to help me sleep. I'm almost done. The mug's almost empty...

Under My Duvet

2006-12-06T11:47:00.000-05:00

I want to stay in bed all day. Slip under my duvet, and let it keep me warm. Close me eyes, travel to dream world.

I know it's morning, it's even close to noon. Not sleepy anymore... I could get up and start my day.

But it's so safe here. All alone, don't have to deal with the world. Don't have to face anybody. Don't have to try to say or do the right thing. Don't have to give. Don't have to expect anything.

Here, I'm just me. I'm just warm. Just rested. Just me and my dreams.

And my dreams, good or bad, are just dreams.

So please please just let me hide under my big white comfy duvet. Maybe just for another minute.

Just for another minute, please.

Autumn

2006-10-06T17:10:00.000-04:00

She sits down on the steps. Blue jeans, white collar shirt. She feels simple today.

It's one of those days when the air is crisp. The breeze is chilling, and yet, the sun still manages to reach your face and give you that exact amount of warmth.

She rests her elbows on her knees and holds up her coffee to her lips. She feels calm today.

Around her there are people conversing.. chatting, debating, flirting, gossiping. It's all a murmur to her. She hears a word here and there, a laugh, a scream. She watches friends run into each other. Stop. Have a short conversation. Your usual small talk. Have a nice weekend! On their way they go. Or they stay. Get a hug. Lean on a shoulder. Actually stop. And stay. Everything seems to be quieter today.

She breathes in the fresh air. Smells cleaner today.

It's autumn. Thanksgiving weekend. Enjoy.

You Care Too Much About Shoes

2006-10-05T17:18:00.000-04:00

Hey. Did you get new shoes? I really do like them.

When we first met, you said you liked my shoes. Then we got to know each other, and you tried to understand what it was like to be in my shoes. As we chatted, you seemed confused. Something didn't fit. At least not anymore. 'Are you sure your shoes are comfortable?' you asked.

'Yes, yes. I am.' I said. 'But at the end of the day, I still like to kick off my shoes and relax... you know, like most people.' Why of course, we all need a break sometimes.. Being on your feet all day sure isn't pleasant.

But if your shoes were so comfortable.. I mean, really comfortable... why would you want to take them off?

Oh, what a question.

Maybe that's why people own so many pairs of shoes.... to switch things up, to keep things exciting.

Hmmm.

Interesting.

You know, you've got a point. Maybe even a good one.

But, if you ask me, I might not have the answers to all your questions.. I just know one thing: you care too much about shoes. I hadn't even noticed yours. I just liked your smile.

Too bad shoes had to get in the way.

.

2006-10-02T15:53:00.000-04:00

Let's start with a dot. There is nothing complicated; nothing to read, nothing to blame, nothing to judge... absolutely nothing to fear.

Let's start with just this. Would you like to hold my hand? Would you like to take a walk, just you and I, have a laugh and maybe a conversation... a conversation that neither of us have had before?

If you're still with me so far, I'd say we're on a good track. I'd say there's a chance. For something great; something lovely, something sweet, something deep... something absolutely wonderful.

Let's not get too ahead of ourselves, however. Let's not think of anything at all. Let's just lie in each other's arms. Let's keep each other warm. Feel our heartbeats accelerate, our knees shake. Let's feel those butterflies... and do nothing but smile.

Now here comes the good part. The powerful stuff. Beyond the giggles, beyond the cheese and chocolate, beyond the fun. Here comes loving you, caring for me. Here comes the future, here comes complexity. Here comes love. It's do or die. It's smile or cry.

But let's not try to figure it out. In fact, let's not think of anything at all. Would you like to hold my hand? Would you like to take a walk, just you and I, have a laugh and maybe have a conversation. Any conversation that keeps me knowing you, knowing me, knowing the silliest little thing about you and me.

Let's grab a cup of coffee. Let's lie in bed 'till noon. Let's drive each other crazy with things we've done a million times. This is the good part. This is the powerful stuff. The giggles, the cheese and chocolate, the fun.

And if you're still with me so far, I'd say we're on a good track. I'd say we've got a chance. For something easy; something simple, something real, something strong... something absolutely wonderful.

we walk around...

2006-09-30T02:24:00.000-04:00

...everyday. we sit in classrooms. we have conversations. some shallow. some deeper... some meaningful... and yet, those meaningful converstaions seem so repetitive. like sleeping, waking up every morning. like eating... the same meal, over and over again. meaningful conversations trying... constantly... to make sense, define.. find the meaning of our actions, decisions, feelings. of our lives. meaningful? maybe. but maybe just filling up time, trying to feel okay. feel right... in this confusing, complex, uncertain life of mine.

The End Of My Tunnel

2006-06-23T10:53:00.000-04:00

Yes, I know, it's about time I update my blog. I don't know how many times I've apologized for not updating this page of mine frequently enough throughout these years. Though I've been pretty good at not missing a whole month before updating!!

Alright, no more excuses. But you see, I have nothing really to talk about. Or nothing insightful to share with you. Well... maybe that's not entirely true.

The last couple of years have been difficult ones. This past school year has been particularly stressful and challenging. Whether because it was work, school, family, relationships... or turning 21 and going through my quarter-life crisis... I'm not so sure. It was probably and very well likely that it was a mix of all of the above.

After desperately trying to hold on to what I cared for, I attempted to figure out whether the rest of the world, or just one single other person, agreed with me.. Or maybe, I was just trying to figure out whether I was right or wrong.

At the end of the day, I felt as though I had lost the battle. I was left with nothing but realizations that the world was not as rational as I thought it to be.

So what makes it okay? As I turned around, I saw my friends and my family, with arms wide open, ready to love and cherish me no matter how unpleasant I have been to be around. I was deeply touched by my little sister Jane, and my best friends Alex and Louis' honest confrontations, putting things back in perspective for me.

Of course, I have no regrets, and I still believe in many "realizations" I've come to over the past few months... However, I still believe in true love, in kindness, in friendship, in trust, in honesty... and in the beautiful world that we live in.

Now, it's summertime. There is not a single worry on my mind (well, at least no really worrisome ones), and I am ready to enjoy it at my full capacity. I have chosen my new direction, and so far, everything is going the right way.

Lesson of the day? There really is a light at the end of the tunnel.... you just have to persevere to get to it, no matter how long the tunnel is.

Letter to a Good Friend...

2006-05-04T13:47:00.000-04:00

Dear Coffee,

I just wanted to write and express my gratitude to you, dear friend! You have been there for me through thick and thin, ups and donws, rain or shine... Any time I'm feeling tired, confused, stressed... there you are.

There to greet me every morning, you just have a way to wake me. Perfectly nice and hot and creamy... and always sweet to the right degree, you adjust to my mood like no other could. You comfort me, you soothe me... you never disappoint me.

You always give me good company. In a cafe, I can sit alone with you, staring out the window, enjoying the sun shine, reading a book... and you're always by my side when I'm cramming for my next test or when I'm in deep thought about the meaning of it all... You always offer the greatest atmosphere when I'm hanging out with a friend, catching up on what we've been missing in each other's lives. Of course, I love having you on a date so we can stay up real late, spurring great conversation... among other things. ;]

What can I say... I'm a coffee girl. I suppose there are many of us in the world.. but oh dear coffee, you are what I love. After a bad exam, when I don't give a damn... When I'm stressed or couldn't care less... I can feel my best and act like nothing in the world can bother me after this coffee girl's had her coffee.

So once again, thank you, coffee! I don't know what I would do without you.

See you soon ;]
Sherren

Truth

2006-04-04T02:16:00.000-04:00

When I came by you said you'd love me to stay
Though something made me feel like I would be in your way
Did you feel the same? Were you playing a game?
Was I being insane?

When things weren't right I tried to look in your eyes
Though I could not tell whether you were telling me lies
What were you looking for? What kept you wanting more?
Should we have closed this door?

When we said goodbye we did not cry or fight
Though something tells me neither of us knew what was right
Did you reach for my hand? Did I misunderstand?
Did we make up our end?

The truth is I really miss you
The truth is I wanna wake up next to you
I fall asleep thinking of you
I fall asleep hoping I will dream about you

Has it been easy for you to forget?
Do you ever wonder if we've made a mistake?
Have we thrown away something really great?
Is it too late?
Is there anything to regret?

When things weren't right I tried to look in your eyes
Though even now I can't tell if you're telling me lies
Is this the better way? Will we be okay?
Is there more left to say?

The truth is I really miss you
The truth is I wanna wake up next to you
I fall asleep thinking of you
I fall asleep hoping I will dream about you

Stars in the Sky

2006-03-22T00:38:00.000-05:00

like a red balloon, flying away into the sky
like a glass of wine, celebrating... need I justify why?
like a giant white duvet, comforting and warming my dreaming
like a hot cup of creamy coffee, wishing me good morning

pull me back down, don't let me get lost
remind me why we're making a toast
push me to live, to embrace what's real
tell me each day will help me heal

it's you who looked me straight in the eye
and pointed at the stars in the sky
"it's not there you'll find the reasons why,
it's here, it's now, it's you and I."

I looked straight up at the stars in the sky
and tried so hard not to ask why
I know somehow that these tears I cry
have something to do with you and I

like a red balloon, flying away into the sky
like a glass of wine, celebrating... need I justify why?
like a giant white duvet, comforting and warming my dreaming
like a hot cup of creamy coffee, wishing me good morning

it's not there I'll find the reasons why
it's here, it's now, it's you and I.

Despite Everything...

2006-03-16T01:18:00.000-05:00

I believe in love.

Looking back on just the couple of years that have gone by, I realise that I've changed into a different person. A more rational one, possibly. A more realistic one, maybe... Or just a more grown up one, perhaps.

Maybe I'm still the same person... with just a little more knowledge on the wonderful realm of business, a little more stories of heartbreak to tell (or to keep to myself), a little better formed opinions about the world surrounding me... That way, baggage don't have to be baggage. Baggage become lessons. Lessons well learned. Lessons that allow me to become more brave, more wise... and more happy.

These lessons have left me more disapointed, more bitter maybe, or even more confused. Afterall, it seems like the more you know, the less you are sure about it all. The more possibilities, the more confusion.

But these lessons have also challenged me to remember who I am and what I stand for, despite everything... Stragely enough, these lessons have encouraged me to believe the things I believe in with even more audacity.

It's been months since since I've said.. I believe in love. And yet, it is the foundation of everything I believe in. Love.

Yes, I believe in love.

Wasting Time

2006-03-02T23:18:00.000-05:00

i'm just a waste of her energy
and she's just wasting my time
so why don't we get together
and we could waste everything tonight
and we could waste
and we could waste it all tonight

i don't pretend to know what you know
now please don't pretend to know what's on my mind
if we already knew everything that everybody knows
we would have nothing to learn tonight
and we would have nothing to show tonight

but everybody thinks that everybody knows
about everybody else but nobody knows
anything about themselves,
because they're all worried about everybody else

love is just a waste of our energy
and life is just a waste of our time
so why dont we get together
and we could waste everything tonight
and we could waste
and we could waste it all

but everybody thinks that everybody knows
about everybody else but nobody knows
anything about themselves
because they're all worried about everybody else

--Johnson/Topol/Podlewski (sung by Jack Johnson)

Traffic in the Sky

2006-03-02T23:16:00.000-05:00

there's traffic in the sky
and it doesn't seem to be getting much better
there's kids playing games on the pavement
drawing waves on the pavement
shadows of the planes on the pavement
it's enough to make me cry
but that don't seem like it would make it feel better
maybe it's a dream and if i scream
it will burst at the seams
this whole place will fall into pieces
and then they'd say

well how could we have known?
i'll tell them it's not so hard to tell
if you keep adding stones
soon the water will be lost in the well

puzzle pieces in the ground
but no one ever seems to be digging instead they're looking up towards the heavens
with their eyes on the heavens
there are shadows on the way to the heavens
it's enough to make me cry
but that don't seem like it would make it feel better
the answers could be found
we could learn from digging down
but no one ever seems to be digging
instead they'll say

words of wisdom all around
but no one ever seems to listen
theyre talking about their plans on the paper
building up from the pavement
there are shadows from the scrapers on the pavement
its enough to make me sigh
but that dont seem like it would make it feel better
the words are all around
but the words are only sounds
and no one ever seems to listen
instead they'll say

--Jack Johnson

Ups and Downs

2006-02-17T01:53:00.000-05:00

There are moments in life when you look around and find that nothing is worth fighting for. Moments where you realise that you've been so tired for having tried so hard for so long, and yet have gotten absolutely nothing in return. So then, you wonder... what is the point? And then, you wonder... you wonder whether all those people were right. You wonder if they were right about the fact that we do always give up our dreams, that there is so much bad out there that nobody will ever be able to do anything about it, that we're all just too scared to change, to try, to dream, to truly love...

We're all just too scared to put our hearts on the line. To be vulnerable.

So we hide. And we expect the worst. Of course that way, we shall never be disapointed.

But really? Does it actually make it better? I was proven right just the other day, when I had horrible expectations. And the truth is... I was still disapointed of the fact that I was right. No matter if you're wrong to be hopeful or right to be skeptical.. it's all the same in the end. You get hurt. You get discouraged.

There is no light at the end of the tunnel. Nothing to look forward to. Nothing worth fighting for.

And then...

There are moments in life when you can hardly remember any of your problems. Kindness from your friends, your family, your surroundings... comes smashing you right in the face and asks you to wake up. To snap out of bitterness. Here are people who care about you, who love you, who cherish you for who you are. They know you, and will remind you of the kind of person you are whenever times like those make you forget. There are moments where you find yourself in the midst of what we should all be living for. For these laughters, for these feelings...

So we hold our heads up high. And we realise that tomorrow, the sun might not shine as bright. But we also know that it'll all be looking up soon. If only we just made a little effort.

To cry. To learn. To let go.

And to never become a victim of our past...

There's Something About...

2006-02-08T00:24:00.000-05:00

Having a long conversation with someone. Even if no conclusion is reached. There's just something about being able to share, to listen, to be heard.. to be understood. Even if no solution nor answers has been found.

Accomplishing something great. Having a great idea and knowing that it's a great idea. Being proud. There's just something about working in a group. Or just with somebody else... feeding off each other's suggestions and coming up with something amazing that you just know is going to be outstanding.

Getting a phone call. Expected or unexpected. Having somebody call you to tell you something exciting. Something exciting to them. That doesn't have anything to do with you. But they just want to share. Because it made them happy. Even for just a little moment.

Hearing him ramble. Not even actually listening to what he's said. Just listening to the sound of his voice. Saying something to you. Something that probably isn't that important. Or isn't important to you at that very moment. Because all you care about is the sound of his voice. Speaking to you.

Something about it all... just makes me smile.

Better Together

2006-02-02T09:01:00.000-05:00

There is no combination of words
I could put on the back of a postcard
And no song that I could sing but I can try for your heart
And our dreams and they are made out of real things
Like a shoebox of photographs with sepia-toned loving
Love is the answer at least for most of the questions in my heart
Like why are we here? And where do we go?
And how come it’s so hard?
It’s not always easy and sometimes life can be deceiving
I’ll tell you one thing, it’s always better when we’re together

It’s always better when we’re together
We’ll look at the stars when we’re together
It’s always better when we’re together
It’s always better when we’re together

And all of these moments just might find
their way into my dreams tonight
But I know that they’ll be gone when the morning light sings
Or brings new things for tomorrow night you see
That they’ll be gone too, too many things I have to do
But if all of these dreams might find their way into my day to day scene
I’d be under the impression I was somewhere in between
With only two, just me and you, not so many things we got to do
Or places we got to be we’ll sit beneath the mango tree now

It’s always better when we’re together
We’re somewhere in between together
Well it’s always better when we’re together
It’s always better when we’re together

I believe in memories they look so pretty when I sleep
And when I wake up you look so pretty sleeping next to me
But there is not enough time
And there is no song I could sing
And there is no combination of words I could say
But I will still tell you one thing
We’re better together

--Jack Johnson

New

2006-01-31T17:57:00.000-05:00

For some reason, my blog wasn't working.. so I decided to change the whole template. I think it got upset with me for attempting to change it last time, and then giving up on it.. and leaving it the same way.

I think it got mad at me for giving it hope for something new. Something fresh. Something better.. and then giving up. So easily.

So there.

It's working now.

It's happy now.

Lesson learned.

My Four Walls

2006-01-20T00:48:00.000-05:00

It used to be my home away from home.
Now, it's just my home.

There's something about these green walls.
Something about the brown.
Something about the pictures I put up.
The quote I painted on.

Maybe it's that I did it myself.
I chose the colors, the pictures...
The ideas.

There's something about my bed.
My pillow, my duvet.

It's filled with friendship.
Filled with warm fuzzy feelings.
With comfort.

Maybe it's that it's white.
Or at least off white.
And it's what I've always wanted.

When I come back I feel lighter.
When I lay down I feel safer.

When I'm here.. I feel.. familiar.

Tonight, I get to sleep in my own bed.

Here We Go..

2006-01-05T16:58:00.000-05:00

How is it possible that I have nothing wise and positive to say on this New Year? I realise that it has been a while since I have last posted a new entry on this wonderful blog of mine... and I must confess, it has been caused by the lack of inspiration, the lack of having something inspiring to share with you...

Today, I had a good day.

I mean, it's not the first good day I've had in a while, but nevertheless, I had a good day. And I decided that it was... hmm, how do I put it... necessary? time? No, I just thought that it would be nice for me to write something on the New Year. Because I do believe that it'll be great.

I know it'll be full of ups and downs. I don't know that there'll be more sun than rain, but at least I won't start this year with predictions of storms, earthquakes... armageddon. Positive attitude, afterall, is what makes all the difference, isn't it?

I visited my own blog just a few minutes ago, and shuffled through my archives. I saw entries I've forgotten about, entries that provided me with hopeful answers to my current grim questions. So, am I walking backwards? Am I becoming weaker as I grow older? Have I fallen victim to this bitter world?

I'd like to give myself more credit than that. None of us are perfect. Thank goodness, we all go through up and downs. At times, we are wiser; at others, we are in serious need of a slap in the face--a friend to pull us back down to earth, a reminder of that life is beautiful... or a few previous blog entries to make it all better again.

So here we go again. To yet another New Year, to redundant routines, to making the same mistakes.. but also, to growing wiser by staying foolish, to making new mistakes, and to loving it all with 100% of our hearts, because.. well, that's how it goes.

And.. because it'll all be what you make of it.

The New Season

2005-11-15T19:35:00.000-05:00

You never know when you'll wake up to a whole new world.

Today, it snowed. I opened my curtains, and the trees and the steets were covered with a thin layer of white. Yesterday was autumn, today is winter.

And there it went. Fall had come and gone, with the blink of one eye... and yet, so much had happened.

So I put on a hat—a winter hat. I went outside into the cold. I stepped into puddles of slush, over and over again, as if I had forgotten how to avoid them. With a smile on my face, my hands froze, my feet and my pants got drenched. And whenever I stepped inside, I felt the warm slowly creep over my body. I closed my eyes, and saw myself sitting by a campfire, feeling the fire on my face.

Everybody must have been dreading today. Our first snow. The beginning of the end. The start of shivers and the end of ice cream. But for some odd reason, I liked today. It was a brand new day. A brand new season. A brand new excuse to start over again.

Fall might be coming back tomorrow. There might not be any trace that any snow had happened. And Fall will stick around for another week, or maybe two...

But winter will be back. Just because it's meant to be that way.

Who knows... Maybe winter won't be so bad this year.

Options...

2005-11-09T18:02:00.000-05:00

I remember Jonathan being so happy when we found out we could go to Marineland. It was the highlight of the day. It was going to be amazing. Then, the option of going to Wonderland arose... and my god, Jonathan was thrilled. But because his grandparents didn't want to go to Wonderland, we had to go back to plan A - Marineland. At this point, Jonathan was so upset, so angry at his grandparents. "But why? You were so happy to go to Marineland two hours ago!" I asked. "That was before we could go to Wonderland!"

If we didn't have options, we'd be happy with our status quo. Like I was telling my friend Louis, if he had never offered to drive me all the way to Cornwall for my driving exam, I would have be perfectly fine with taking the bus. But if he had cancelled on me, I would've felt completely terrible to have had to take the bus as a consequence.

Maybe that's why people are so afraid of change. We all get so comfortable in our little bubbles, living life as we know it. If no new nor better things presented themselves to us, if we were never aware that bigger and brighter things could happen to us, we'd be perfectly happy and content with whatever we already had.

If Frank didn't have a cellphone, he'd manage just fine with an answering machine. If Olivia didn't have a microwave, she would simply do all her cooking without one. If Julie didn't have Paul to hold the door for her, she would've been perfectly okay to open the door for herself. If John didn't have Sandra to give him a wake up call, he would wake up to the sound of his own alarm.

What's my point, you ask? Well.. Let me just say this. I know that no matter what, at the end of the day, I'm going to be just fine. If I was doing well before a certain option presented itself into my life, there's no reason why I should be devastated when that certain thing doesn't happen to work out. It's just that feeling of disapointment, that feeling of crushed hope, of failed possibilities.. one after the other... that's what's tiring, draining and discouraging.

21

2005-10-26T00:22:00.000-04:00

Let's start by getting a good night's sleep.

Then, I can read, be productive.

Go to class, make a great presentation.

Shop for shoes.

Group meeting.

And then, mmm, yummy dinner.

But most importantly, mmm, amazing company.

And then perhaps we shall share a couple of drinks.

But before all that.

A good night's sleep.

7 Degrees

2005-10-08T11:50:00.000-04:00

Hello October. Welcome. It started off with 7 days of sunshine, and then it rained. And now.. it's 7 degrees.

I'm wearing a wife beater, a long-sleeved shirt, a McGill hoodie.. a scarf, and my lovely pink fluffy slippers.. and my hands are still cold. Fall is here. It's time for sipping warm lattes and hot chocolates. Time to wrap yourself around your favorite scarves. Time for hugs. Time for baths. Time for staying in on a Friday night to bake cakes and watch movies.

It's time for the leaves to change colors. Climbing up a mountain would be wonderful.

Fall is good. Sweaters and scarves are good. Pretty leaves are good. I hope this lasts a little while before the first snow falls.

It's the first day of Thanksgiving weekend. It's the first day it's been this cold since the spring. It caught me by surprise. It's so peaceful on a morning like this. Heck, if I didn't have good company for a good coffee this morning, I would still have been curled up under my warm covers...

Mr. Curiosity

2005-10-08T11:22:00.000-04:00

Hey Mr. Curiosity
Is it true that they’ve been saying about you
Are you killing me?
You took care of the cat already
And for those who think it’s heavy
Is it the truth? Or is it only gossip?
Call it mystery or anything
Just as long as you call me.
I sent the message on,
Did you get it when I left it?
See this catastrophic event
It wasn’t meant to mean no harm
But to think there’s nothing wrong is a problem.

I’m looking for love this time
Sounding hopeful but it’s making me cry
Love is a mystery. Mr. Curious, come back to me

(I’m) Mr. Waiting, ever patient can’t you see
I’m the same the way you left me
In a hurry to spell check me
And I’m underlined already
In envy green and pencil red
I’ve forgotten what you’ve said,
Will you stop working for the dead
And return, Mr. Curious,
I need some inspiration.
It’s my birthday
And I cannot find no cause for celebration.
The scenario is grave but I’ll be braver when you save me
From this situation laden with hearsay.

I’m looking for love this time
Sounding hopeful but it’s making me cry
(Trying not to ask why)
This love is a mystery, Mr. Curiosity,
Be Mr. Please Do Come And Find Me.

I’m looking for love this time
Sounding hopeful but it’s making me cry
This love is a mystery, Mr. Curiosity,
Be Mr. Please Do Come And Find Me.
Love is blinding if the timing’s never right.
But who am I to beg for difference?
Finding love in just an instant I don’t mind.

At least I tried.

I tried.

--Jason Mraz

Wouldn't It Be Nice

2005-10-02T01:25:00.000-04:00

Turn off my computer
And turn off my phone
Today I'm gonna live life alone
Hop into my shower
And sing myself a song.. or two
There's nothing else I need to do

I'm gonna take a little walk
And do a dance in the park
I'm gonna sip on warm lattes
In a sweet little cafe
Oh wouldn't it be nice
To live life this way everyday

Climb up the mountain
And wait for the sunset
I'm feeling just a little regret
Sink into the moment
Let me wait for the moon and stars
While I strum on my guitar

I'm gonna gaze at stars above
And think of people that I love
I'm gonna lay down, close my eyes
And let you take me by surprise
Oh wouldn't it be nice
To live life this way everyday

Chicken Soup

2005-09-18T23:10:00.000-04:00

"I need a coffee. I'm so tired." It's the third.. or fourth day in a row that she's been saying that. Blame it on the paint. That's why she's been waking up with a sore throat every morning.

"I think I'm sick. Fine. I'll call and say I can't make it to the meeting." So she get sick. Actually sick. She's sneezing, she's coughing.. she's even got a headache. Her friends are still over, mind you, and that's fine. They can do what they gotta do, and she can take a nap.

"We're gonna get going, now." She gets up to walk them out.

"If you're still sick tomorrow, we'll be right over with hot chicken soup. In a heartbeat. No doubt."

Mmm, chicken soup.

Friends

2005-08-14T09:39:00.000-04:00

It's 3am, and you're still hanging out in the park with you best friends, wide awake.. or sort of, you know, your eyelids are little heavy, but you don't know if you're actually tired.. or if it's the effect of the beers you had a little earlier. Nevertheless, no matter how worn out you might've felt this morning, last night.. you're feeling energetic, refreshed.

I'm sure we've all lived this same experience--or something along the same lines of it--at some point in our lives. And we all know how great it is.

So you're sitting there, joking around, making fun of each other at first, then, all of a sudden, you're deep in conversation about life, about the future. You ask each other about school, family.. about each other's latest news in the love department. And sometimes, there is much to say, and others, you just seem to be repeating yourselves over and over again. But nobody notices it. Or at least nobody's bothered by it. You talk and you talk, and somewhere, somehow, you realise that you don't really know much of anything.. even if you're older now, and adulthood seems to be approaching so fast. You feel a little scared, a little uncertain, a little like a child who's looking for a hand to hold, to guide the way for you.

But it's okay, caus we're all there together, all feeling the same way. We don't have the perfect answers, and we can't promise anything. But we're all here, able to talk to each other, to laugh together, and maybe, sometimes, to cry on each other's shoulder.

Thinking about the future, you can't help wondering if these people you love will still be around you in ten years. Will they be at your wedding? Will their kids get along with yours? Will we still be so close, so honest with each other?

Then again, there's no use thinking of all that. What matters is that right now, at this very moment, we're together, we're friends. The feelings it brings us, the laughs and sighs we share today. It's what counts, what shapes our tomorrow, what we will hopefully remember and most definitely, what we oughta treasure.

Friends. They laugh at you, they laugh with you. The laugh at you with you. They help you paint. They help you clean. They help you stay grounded. They help you make decisions. They help you get away. And friends? They're not family. They're not boy/girlfriends. There's nothing to bind you together forever. They don't have to do anything for you. They're just there because they want to, because they care... because you connect.

I shall never take them for granted. And always cherish them.

Good People

2005-08-10T09:28:00.000-04:00

You win it's your show now
So what's it going to be?
Because people will tune in
How many train wrecks do we need to see?
Before we lose touch
And we thought this was low
Well it's bad, getting worse...

Where'd all the good people go?
I've been changing channels and I don't see them on the tv shows
Where'd all the good people go?
We've got heaps and heaps of what we sow

They got this and that with a rattle a tat
Testing, one, two, man whatcha gonna do
Bad news misused, got too much to lose
Give me some truth now, who's side are we on
Whatever you say
Turn on the boob tube, I'm in the mood to obey
So lead me astray
And by the way now...

Where'd all the good people go?
I've been changing channels and I don't see them on the tv shows
Where'd all the good people go?
We've got heaps and heaps of what we sow

Sitting around feeling far away
So far away but I can feel the debris, can you feel it?
You interrupt me from a friendly conversation
To tell me how great it's all going to be
You might notice some hesitation
Because its important to you, it's not important to me
But way down by the edge of your reason
It's beginning to show and I really want to know is...

Where'd all the good people go?
I've been changing channels and I don't see them on the tv shows
Where'd all the good people go?
We got heaps and heaps of what we sow

They got this and that with a rattle a tat
Testing one, two man whatcha gonna do
Bad news misused give me some truth
You got too much to lose
Whose side are we on today, anyway
Okay, whatever you say
Wrong and resolute but in the mood to obey
Station to station desensitizing the nation
Going, going, gone

--Jack Johnson

Line Up, Bugs!

2005-07-27T10:58:00.000-04:00

Attention, attention!

Attention to all the bugs of Taiwan! A new gourmet food has arrived onto our island. Only twenty years old and fresh from Canada! She isn't too bright, she won't even feel you while you eat. And even if she did, she's too kind to kill. So you may enjoy your exquisit meal in a safe and pleasant environment. Many bugs have already had the privilege to taste her in the past two months, and all have been extremely satisfied. This is a rare commodity, so make sure you don't miss out! Stop by our office to get her updated itinerary so you can be sure to get your meal when she steps into your town.

This is a limited time offer, ending in one week! One week!

So line up, bugs! She has started to use medication from the dermatologist, so the line will be much shorter now!

Spread the word!!

One Day

2005-07-23T23:22:00.000-04:00

I took a walk on the beach today
The sun was about to set
The breeze was warm and the sky was clear
And I wished for a boy to hold me

One day, I'll have my honey with me
One day, we'll be walking on this beach
One day, we will be so in love
One day, one day, we'll be..

I took a sea shell in my hand
And drew a heart in the sand
A wave came by and washed it away
And I wished for a boy to kiss me

I took a picture of the sea
And dreamed of what could be
I wished for the boy who was meant for me
I wished for a boy to love me

One day, I'll have my honey with me
One day, we'll be walking on this beach
One day, we will be so in love
One day, one day, we'll be..

One day, one day, we'll be..
One day, one day, we'll be..
One day, one day, we'll be, we'll be..

Rejoicing

2005-07-18T05:05:00.000-04:00

I climbed on top of a mountain, above a sea of clouds. The sky changed colours while the sun prepared for bed. I woke up early to wish it good morning, and to see its rays shine on to the world. Beautiful, if you ask me. I walked through the forest, saw its trees and its lakes. I saw the deceased tree trunks, each with a story to tell. I've never stood on such high land, nor seen such gorgeous view.

I went to a lake surrounded by pretty hotels and tea houses. This is the home of some, and the vacation spot for many. There was a wonderful restaurant in a wooden cabin. Designed and decorated by the owner herself. I ate there and was amazed. Fruits mixed with vegetables, fish... My taste buds were spoiled with never ending pleasant surprises.

I played in a wooden parc on the mountain and became a child once more. Obstacles set up in the nature, alongside of bugs and snakes.. seems like the way it was meant to be.

I laid on the sand and tanned on the beach. A big sun, a big smile. I jumped into the ocean and let the waves carry me. Here it comes! Here it comes! A big one's coming! I took a stroll on the busy street and played the guitar on the balcony. I drank some beer, laughed and talked. Still not sleepy, and yet I fell asleep as soon as my head hit the blanket I used as a pillow.. even if three of us shared a bed for two.

That's How It Goes

2005-06-28T12:24:00.000-04:00

Here's to you, Louis.. =]

It's hard to try so hard
And get nothing in return
It's hard to be so strong
And let the future prove you wrong

But if you never wanna feel disappointed
You can never have your hopes and dreams

I'm gonna take things as they go
Hold my head up high
Have no regrets, expectations
Gonna give it a try
I'm gonna go on with the flow
Caus oh~ It's alright.

You say it's easy to say but it's hard to do
You say it's what you did before but still ended with the blues
I'm not trying to say that your dreams will all come true in a day or two
You've just got to see it through

Caus if you never wanna feel disappointed
You can never have your hopes and dreams

I'm gonna take things as they go
Hold my head up high
Have no regrets, expectations
Gonna give it a try
I'm gonna go on with the flow
Caus oh~ It's alright.

I'm gonna give my everything
Be the best I can be
Have hopes and dreams and laugh and scream
Not be scared of anything
I'm gonna go on with the flow
And take things as they go
Caus oh~ That's how it goes

That's how it goes
That's how it goes
That's how it goes...

Let Me Bathe

2005-06-21T03:01:00.000-04:00

Amazing how a volcano that's been asleep for over a thousand years still emits hot water. I had the incredible privilege to bathe in a natural hot spring on the top of a mountain. I still can't believe that the water was naturally hot. I mean hot. I could barely stand the heat in some spots of the spring. It was unbelievable. The spring was in the middle of the mountain, with smoke evaporating from its surface.

We travelled for about an hour to arrive at the bottom of Jing San, at the North of Taiwan. After we were parked, we followed a trail to get to the spring. I looked down at the trail as I hiked up the mountain—wearing flip flops to walk this rocky road wasn't the greatest idea. The rocks were green at first, and suddenly became a rusty red. And before I knew it, we were there.

The spring was just deep enough to lie down in. As a ran my fingers on the bottom of the spring, I felt the smooth mud and grabbed a handful out of the water. We rubbed the silver mud all over our bodies and faces. Crazy how this clay could give you smooth skin in just a few minutes. There you go. We had the world's most expensive spa at our disposal... all, at free of charge.

Right beside this still water hot spring, was a stream of ice cold water. I couldn't bring myself to jump in when my feet were in there, telling me that it was way too cold for the rest of me to stand. But a German girl was there and said: "Once you're in, it's good." I couldn't resist. I sucked up my fear and let my body fall into the stream. The current was so strong that I had to hold on to big rocks to avoid the water from carrying me away with him. And the girl was right. It was good.

The sky was getting dark. The clouds were starting to gather. Soon, it was raining. We reluctantly got out of the water and left before we could no longer see the trail we had to take to get back to civilisation. Good thing we left when we did; on the way down, I could no longer tell what colour the trail was, and my flip flops were teaching me a lesson for making them walk on slippery rocks in the rain.

The way back seemed never ending. But I would never wish that we had left just a little earlier to avoid this challenge. In fact.. maybe I would have liked to stay just a little longer.

Dalalala..

2005-06-16T03:14:00.000-04:00

I love crossing the street over here. As soon as the little green man starts marching and the countdown begins, people step onto the street and rush to the other side. It's so crowded when I cross the street. You have 60 seconds to cross. One whole minute. So I take my time. And people rush past me. It's funnest when we reach the middle of the street, when passengers from both sides of the street meet. It makes me feel at peace. It makes me feel like a movie star starring in one of those movies set in Japan. Like a stranger amongst busy people who could care less that there's somebody new in their country.

It's been raining for.. can't remember the last day it didn't rain. I remember going to the movies and buying an umbrella. It was so nice out. Wearing white pants and flip flops wasn't the smartest idea. But it was so warm. I had to keep reminding myself of what my uncle told me the first time I encountered rain over here: "This isn't the same rain as in Canada. It's acid rain over here." It's acid rain, Sherren, it's acid rain. If I hadn't been repeating that to myself over and over again, I would have thrown out my $4 umbrella and ran under the rain. It was the perfect occasion. It was pouring so hard. It would've felt like the world's biggest warm shower. Mmmmmm.

I've gotten used to seeing bugs crawling around in the apartment. Don't get me wrong. I still jump and squeal at the mere sight of them.. I just don't freak out too much anymore. Like yesterday, there was a little creature in the bathroom. So I just refrained from taking a leak and a shower until I third time I came back, and there was no more trace of him. It was well past midnight at that point. But at least I could take my shower in peace.

I love being able to get breakfast for only a little over $1. Steamed bun and tea, I'm good to go. On the other hand though, coffee is mad expensive over here. They don't even understand what a regular, plain cup of coffee is. When I order a coffee, they tell me: "We have many different selections here, miss. Would you like sugar and milk? Hot or cold?" Uuh.. just a regular coffee please. A black one. With cream and sugar in little packs for me to add myself, please. And that costs me $3.60! A small coffee. That doesn't really even taste really good. Three dollars and sixty whole cents. Scandalous. I guess being able to get lunch—a good one—for less than $4 makes up for it.

Hiya There

2005-06-10T04:07:00.000-04:00

Hey dudes, how's it goin?

I'm currently an intern at MTV. Cool, eh? I thought so too.. at first. It's now been three days that I've been sitting in front of this not-the-fastest-nor-the-newest-but-still-works-well-enough-for-an-intern computer, doing absolutely nothing. Well not nothing, exactly. I've already emailed every single person that still cares for my existence, fixed the booboos of my class schedule for the next two semesters, checked out every single prof I'm gonna have on ratemyprofessors.ca, read Jason Mraz's online journals (damn he's a good writter), organized my emails into folders (ALL OF THEM! And that's a whole lot!)... shall I go on? I guess you can say I've accomplish quite much.. but none of it has anything to do with MTV. Let's see... today I documented some news clippings and called somebody to asked them to send us motorola phone and an email.... all that must've been done within an hour. Barely. And then I got to go to a temple and look around. And then my supervisor treated me to lunch. So that wasn't too boring. But still. Nothing to do with MTV.

So I flew 24 hours all the way to Taiwan to do this internship. And I've now become the sitting-on-your-bum-all-day-expert. Honestly, I'm a professional. If you ever need somebody to sit there and do nothing, you know who to call! I promise you'll get your money's worth. 100% satisfaction.

I'm not bitter. Really. Just a little bored. Okay. A lot bored. So I'm trying to keep my mind working by writing. Fine. Rambling. Still gets it working though. The mind, that is. Don't wanna go back to Montreal a vegetable, now.

It's pretty ugly out there today. It's for sure gonna rain. Or maybe it's already raining. Wouldn't wanna be outside anyway. Plus my cousin isn't home yet. So I wouldn't be much more productive at home in any case. But that's not true. At least I could strum on my guitar and attempt to write a song. Or practice the one I just wrote the other day.. in the office, mind you, out of boredom. Actually, you know it--it's the one below! Actually, the first sentence I wrote, "Everybody's older now" came to me when I was at the hospital visiting my grandma. The rest took some time to come to me.

Funny how inspiration finds you. I wonder how the next one will decide to pay me a visit. Maybe we'll meet for coffee... Or it'll guest star in my dreams tonight.

Oh yay, they finally gave me a job. Off I go! I'm guessing this'll at least look half decent on the resume..~

Cheers!!

Wiser Now

2005-06-09T03:47:00.000-04:00

There's a place in my heart I feel never changed
And yet you look at me like we have never been
You call my name I hear your voice it's still the same
I turn around to look at you your stranger face

But I look into your eyes
I remember you told lies
Tears hide behind my eyes
Too bad true love never dies

Everybody's older now
Turn down the lights and I still feel the same
Everybody's wiser now
Just one look one smile I understand
There's no need to talk about it
To fight to cry or make you never forget
Caus everybody's older now
Everybody's older now

I came accross some butterflies the other day
When I heard our song and walked past our favourite cafe
It's funny you should come my way just yesterday
You seemed a little taller but you smelled the same

I'm here I can feel you feel the same
I know we can start this up all over again
Can we be two grown ups now
And still laugh just like a child
Can we hear our hearts and let them lead the way

I look into your eyes
I remember your sweet good nights
Tears hide behind my eyes
Thank God true love never dies

Enjoy Today

2005-05-17T13:05:00.000-04:00

I'm so excited for next week, I can't wait till next month. Everyday, we look to our future and think of how great it'll be when tomorrow arrives. But we forget that yesterday, we were looking forward to today. We forget celebrating today and realizing the great time we're having at the very moment... we're too busy thinking about better tomorrows.

By all means... Dream of the future! Have ambitions! Strive to have better tomorrows! But don't lose track of today. Now's the time to live better. Don't wait for tomorrow.

I'm so excited to leave for Taiwan for the rest of the summer, but I love being in Montreal, having the time of my life with my dear friends. So I'm enjoying today; there's no use thinking about Taiwan until my plane takes off.. I'd only be wasting my time here and now if I spent my days longing for tomorrows.

"Just" Friends

2005-05-07T11:22:00.000-04:00

Funny how people say that they're "just" friends. As if being friends is not nearly as meaningful as being a couple...

Being friends with someone from the opposite sexe (or same sexe if that's your preference) is.. great! I mean, being able to just see the person for who they are and not having all those sexual complications in between.. it's genuine, it's sincere. You don't have to worry about how your hair looks, what to wear today, or watch what you say. You're friends! All those minor details go away... and you just concentrate on having the time of your life.

I'm not saying that being friends with someone is better than being with them. If you like somebody, go for it!!! And I'm not saying that all kinds of superficial stuff come into play when it comes to relationships--it really shouldn't be superficial if it's somebody worth your time--but come on now, we all know that when it comes to dating, we all "watch" ourselves to a certain extent. All I'm saying is, being friends with someone is just as great as being with them.

I just find the expression "just friends" a little funny. =]

Whatever your relationships are, whoever surrounds you, just make sure you cherish them... friends, boyfriends, girlfriends alike.

Should Be...

2005-05-03T23:36:00.000-04:00

it's not supposed to be like this.

the sun should be shinning
the stress should be ending
the summer should be starting
I should be smiling

I should be feeling
much more at ease
I should be sleeping
till I damn well please

I should be reading
I should be singing
I should be writing
I should be dancing

yet all I'm doing...
is lots of whinning

and what's that helping?
absolutely nothing

absolutely...

nothing

So Happy

2005-04-30T03:25:00.000-04:00

"I'm so happy." I've said this so many times today.

This is the moment I've been anticipating for so long. And it's here. And I'm so happy. At around 4:30pm today, I was on vacation. I was free. At last.

It's been a long semester. And I'm finally feeling a hundred thousand pounds lighter.

Here's to a fabulous summer!!!!

My God, I'm Tired

2005-04-24T23:34:00.000-04:00

My god, I'm tired.

I just had quite a nice day though. I mean, I woke up, went for an interview, studied a tiny bit, went to a rehearsal, had really good ribs for dinner at this really cool ghetto restaurant in the south shore, went to another rehearsal.. and now here I am.

But my god, I'm tired.

And it's not even what I did today. It's just this state that I'm in right now. It's exam time. And I have one last dreaded final to take. And it does not end until this friday. I mean I know that after friday, no matter how much I do in one day, I won't be feeling like this at the end of it. I won't have this weird pressure cloud thing hanging over me.. Urgh, I just want it to be over!

Caus my god, I'm tired.

Lost in Another Gorgeous Day

2005-04-18T19:17:00.000-04:00

Yes. Yes. Yes...

I couldn't help it. I lost another day to gorgeous weather. Well.. can't say "lost", exactly. I did have a very pleasant afternoon, sitting in the field, chatting with a friend, enjoying the sun. 'twas very nice, indeed.

It's true. I have two inevitable finals coming up on Wednesday. And no, I'm not ready yet. Well.. I covered all of Stats 2, and all I gotta do for that is keep practicing it so it becomes second nature. But I didn't start MHR at all. I mean AT ALL. Well, I did do the three readings.. but that doesn't count for much at all.

And now, I'm starving. I've litterally only had one piece of cake and two cups of tea today. Wow. No wonder I'm feeling kinda sleepy... and sooo hungry. Boil, water, boil!!!!

Alright. So here's the plan. I eat (whatever I'll manage to whip up with whatever's left in our fridge), I study Stats for the reeest of the night. And tomorrow, I'll dedicate my day to MHR. Sounds like a plan. That'll get me set for Wednesday! Oh, it better!!!

Let's just hope I don't get kidnapped by the weather again tomorrow...

I Hope You Dance

2005-04-15T15:36:00.000-04:00

I hope you never lose your sense of wonder
You get you fill to eat but always keep that hunger
May you never take one single breath for granted
God forbid love ever leave you empty handed

I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens
Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance

I hope you dance
I hope you dance

I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance
Never settle for the path of least resistance
Living might mean taking chances but they're worth taking
Loving might be a mistake but it's worth making

Don't let some hell bent heart leave you bitter
When you come close to selling out reconsider
Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance

I hope you dance
(Time is a real and constant motion always)
I hope you dance
(Rolling us along)
I hope you dance
(Tell me who)
I hope you dance
(Wants to look back on their youth and wonder)
(Where those years have gone)

I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens
Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance

Tell me who
Wants to look back on their youth and wonder
Where those years have gone

--Lee Ann Womack

Spoil Yourself A Little Bit

2005-04-12T10:19:00.000-04:00

Everybody around me seems to be going through so much. Depression. Anxiety. Random allergies that came out of nowhere. It's quite scary, actually. Crazy what stress can do to a person. I must say, however, I'm proud that I haven't let myself get too dragged down by the negative environment. So yay me.

I know it must sound like too little to celebrate. But sometimes, we all need to find something to be proud of, to make ourselves feel happier, to remind ourselves that everything's not lost.

What can I say? What kind of advice can I give? No matter what happens, in the end, it's your life. And you're gonna have to live it however you choose to live it. But I say: life isn't about books, grades, big houses, lots of money, etc! Man! Isn't that so cliche? I know you must have heard that somewhere else already. But you know, if you are stressing yourself out to the point that your body's suffering over it, you're just as much of a cliche: working till you drop dead for things that don't even really matter.

Fine. You can do whatever you want and pursue whatever you feel is important. All I'm saying is, you gotta spoil yourself a little bit. If you treat your body with love and respect, it's gonna respond in the same loving and respectful way, as my wise little sister said. Sure. Work hard. But know that if you're doing the best you can, it's enough to reach success. There's nothing else you can do. Why waste time worrying that things might not turn out the way you want them to? Why waste energy stressing out about things over which you have no control? Instead, you can give yourself a break and sip on coffee while having a pleasant conversation with a friend. Or give yourself a bath. Go catch a movie. Pat yourself on the back. Let yourself know that you've done well to work so hard. No matter what the outcome is, you have to know that you did great, and it's important to give yourself some credit for that!

Alright. Enough out of me. I just hope at least a little bit of the above made a little bit of sense to you.

Good luck with everything, boys and girls!!

April Fools

2005-04-01T01:31:00.000-05:00

Happy April Fools Day! Fool someone. Make both of you laugh. Just caus it's fun and silly and.. what other reason do you need?? Do it. You're gonna love it.

Ramble Ramble Ramble

2005-03-31T00:09:00.000-05:00

Well it's been a while since I posted one of those ramble postings where I tell you about all the interesting stuff that happened to me today and talk about a whole bunch of nothing, and well, I kinda miss that, so I'm gonna do it now. (And wow, wasn't that a huge sentence with a huge part that didn't have any punctuation in it? I hope you didn't have too much trouble reading it. It's okay. You can stop and breathe if it ever happens again during this post. And I'm sure it will.)

SO! What was interesting today? I was in a play actually. Actually, not really. I was just an overvoice. People never even got to see me. But I did make some people laugh; I could hear them over the speaker thing. Well I didn't really make them laugh. My lines did. I was a cheesy high school announcer.. Hmmmm... sound familiar?

I also started trying to find subletters for my new gorgeous apartment for this summer. If you're interested in a beautiful apartment this summer in downtown Montreal, please email me asap!! It's super cheap, only $350 including utilities! I know, I was amazed myself.

Man oh man. The weather's great. And it's just a constant reminder that this summer's going to be outstanding. I can't wait. No, honestly. I can't. This term has GOT to come to an end. I've been a pretty bad student this semester. I blame it on the fact that it is the second term of my second year, and this is when very many of us have the hardest time in their entire university career. Terribly boring classes aren't helping either. Overall, motivation is just low. And conclusion? Yes, it's all my own fault. And I just have to deal with that. But I guess we all try to find justification for our frowned upon behaviours sometimes, and now it's my turn. So one more month, and I'll stop playing the victim. Hey, I'm smiling.

Ooh. I got kicked out of Trottier, the engineering building today for getting caught taking a bite of my sandwich (I was only gonna take a couple of bites too, I swear.) and for being a management student. Apparently, we're not good enough to be in a EMPTY Trottier study room. I was kinda upset about that. So I had to walk a whole block to get back home. Oh the joys of living close to campus.

I love music. Did I ever mention that? Well, I do. I also love hugs. They make you feel so nice and warm inside. It's great.

Oooh.. I'm falling asleep. I guess I won't be finishing chapter 22 tonight. Economics. Really gotta try to keep up with the studying schedule I made myself. I've been quite good at it, actually. Yay for me.

OOOOkay. I think that's about it. Well not really. But enough rambling. Must not bore you too much. And as my little darling sister's MSN name said today: the secret of being boring is to say everything. Well, isn't that clever.

Good night, all. Hope all's fabulous.

Gooorgeous

2005-03-28T00:49:00.000-05:00

I woke up today. I stepped outside--it was gorgeous! Yesterday, I called my friend Alexis and told him that I was going to spend all day outside because it was beautiful. And I did. And it was awesome. But today.. oh today.. it was even more beautiful.

Unfortunately, because we stayed up until 4:30am watching movies, I was exhausted when I got home. I went to do some groceries, made meself lunch.. and passed out. So it sucks that I didn't get to enjoy the lovely weather. But let me tell you what, I had an incredible nap. You know those naps you take in the summer..? That's how it felt like. I left my window open, so the breeze caressed me to sleep. If that makes any sense at all.

There are beautiful days ahead. I'm looking forward to the end of school, the start of the summer and of staying out long after the sun goes down.

Carry On

2005-03-22T23:57:00.000-05:00

Last week was hectic. Physically, emotionally... and I guess it hit me quite hard yesterday. Just because it was the first day in a week that I didn't have to be running around all day.

But I made the effort to get better.

I gave myself today to be better. I took the day off. I gave myself a treat. I met up with my good friend Louis. We had lunch, took advantage of the nice weather, walked around downtown, had coffee, had good conversation, watched a movie.

And it worked.

When you're down, it's important to take the time to let yourself feel whatever it is you need to feel. Give yourself time to cry, to be upset. But then, get up and do something nice for yourself. Do something special to cheer yourself up.

It's much easier to let yourself stay in that gloomy state. But if you make a slight effort and decide that you're going to feel better, it'll make the world of a difference. It's too tiresome to be down.

When you're blue, give yourself the time to thoroughly feel your emotions. Don't hide them away. Deal with them and allow yourself to move on. There's so much more in store for you tomorrow. Unfortunately, you'll only be able to see all that with optimistic eyes. So shake it off, spoil yourself a little bit, and carry on.

Think Happy

2005-03-21T17:31:00.000-05:00

Let's think of something positive. Let's talk about something nice. Remember the time when you laughed. Feel that warm fuzzy feeling in your stomach. Feel that perfect hug, that perfect kiss. Let a smile shape your lips. Forget about what's bad. Forget about the tears. Forget about the goodbyes.

Sing your favorite tunes. Look at the sunshine. Think of beautiful tomorrows.

Think happy... will ya?

Tell Me

2005-03-13T02:57:00.001-05:00

"Tell me it's over."
"It's over."
"Tell me it'll be okay."
"It will."
"Tell me... something.. something interesting."
"I fell in love last year. But I got my heart broken."
"Why?"
"It just happened."
"You must hate her, now."
"I don't."
"Why not?"
"I fell in love. It was great. It was amazing. I would never hate somebody I once loved."
"No regrets?"
"None at all."
"Really?"
"I would never trade what I went through with anything in the world."
"Wow."
"What?"
"Nothing. You're just so... optimistic, I guess."
"It's not optimistic. It's just what it is."
"Hmm."
"What?"
"I'm glad you're so honest with me."
"I don't know how to be anything else."
(...)
"Tell me I don't have anything to worry about."
"You don't have anything to worry about."
"... I don't believe you."
"Why not?"
"I don't know."
"Well, I guess there's nothing I can do about that."

Friends

2005-03-07T10:35:00.000-05:00

I am grateful for my friends. And taking the time to see them as much as you can really makes difference... a big difference.

It's been crazy. School. Rehearsals. Exams. Assignments. There's practically no time for life. But I try. And I make time. Afterall, what's life about? Relationships with the people you love. Of course.

It's not enough to know you're friends with someone. You might've been really close at some point in your life, but if you don't keep up with each other, you'll lose one another. I'll always remember when one of my friends told me: "I don't know you anymore!" It wasn't an angry reproach, or anything negative. It was just a simple statement. We hadn't seen each other in about 3 months, and when we did, it still felt like we were good friends. But when he said that, I realised, he was right. Sure, he knew who I was, he knew what kind of person I was, but he had absolutely no idea what had been going on in my life over the past few months. And surely, a lot happens in a few months.

Being friends with someone means to be in their lives. To actually have good times together. To be able to say: "Remember when..." It's not enough to see each other every other month and "update" each other over coffee. You shouldn't have to "update" your friends about anything. You just share as you go...

We're all busy people, I know. But you and I both know that we all have lots of time when we're just sitting on our bottoms, buming around, with nothing to do. That's when you'll pick up that phone and hang out with your friends. But if you can't have that kind of spontaneity with someone, if making plans with them is always a long, formal process... maybe it's not friendship.

Look around you, and see who your friends are. Take time to spend time with them. It's important. It's everything. Hold on tight to your real friends... many of us don't have the luxury to have such great people in our lives.

Home Sweet Home

2005-02-19T11:47:00.000-05:00

In two days, I'm going home. I could've left yesterday, but I've got commitments tomorrow night, so now, I'm just waiting for tomorrow to come.

Alone, in my apartment. It's kinda nice, knowing you'll be going back to an empty apartment. It's kinda peaceful. Feels free.

I just can't wait to get home, though. Can't wait to spend hours talking to my little sister. Can't wait to see my mom. Can't wait to have coffee with Cat. Can't wait to have a blast with Alex. Can't wait to hang out with old friends. Can't wait to visit my high school. Can't even wait to be sitting in that Cafe, studying all day while waiting for everybody to get out of class.

Try surrounding yourself with people who make you feel warm and fuzzy inside. It's the greatest feeling, I guarantee it. Home makes me feel that way. No matter how much I love living on my own, no matter how much I love this beautiful city of Montreal, I love going back home. Even just walking on the familiar streets of Toronto make me go "aww".

I miss you, house. I miss you, bus stop. I miss you, Yonge.

Man oh man..

I miss you, everybody.

In Between

2005-02-18T23:00:00.000-05:00

I've always liked the way you talk to me
Always seen you in my dreams
Always liked to watch to you read
Now I cry myself to sleep

Why can't we make it through the rain?
I can't take any longer of this pain
Can we try a little harder to be
Straight with each other?
I love you and I trust you but I don't wanna hang
In the in between with you

It's been a while since we first met
It's been a while but how can I forget
It's been a while since you held my hand
Why we fight I don't understand

Why can't we make it through the rain?
I can't take any longer of this pain
Can we try a little harder to be
Straight with each other?
I love you and I trust you but I don't wanna hang
In the in between with you

Why can't we make it
Why can't we make it
Why can't we make it
Through the rain?

I've always liked the way you talk to me

Today Is The Kind of Day...

2005-02-16T11:40:00.000-05:00

For some reason, she was tired last night. She hadn't done much, but it was only midnight, and she was ready for bed. She still had a paper to write, but it's okay, she thought, "I'll just wake up early tomorrow to get it done." She could get up at 8am if she went to bed right away.

Next morning, the alarm goes off. 8am. She hits the snooze button. 8:10am. The alarm goes off again. "Okay, okay..." she shuts off her alarm and closes her eyes to rest. Just for a little more. An hour goes by, and another one. 10:15am. Alright. Now's really the time to get up.

It's been a long time since she slept so well. She opened her eyes. Today is the kind of day to spend all day in bed. The air outside was misty, there was no sunshine. Feels like there's nobody on the streets, today. What's the use of going out if everybody's in bed? Today is the kind of day to spend sleeping. Where dreams can take you around the world, allow you to visit old friends, and introduce you to the perfect gentleman. All these adventures, all these journeys, all in the comfort of your own bed.

Just a couple more minutes, she tells herself. That paper won't take that long to write. It'll be fine. But a couple more minutes soon becomes half an hour. And time is running out.

She turns on her computer.

Can You Understand?

2005-02-10T14:04:00.000-05:00

Birds fly in the sky
Kids play in the park
And I dream, I dream, I dream

Apples grow on trees
Bees they make honey
And I believe, I believe, I believe

Can you hear me now?
Can you see me smile?
Can you understand the meaning of true love?

Clouds cover the sky
The sun goes down at night
And I dream, I dream, I dream

You told me last night
Dreamers let dreams die
But I believe, I believe, I still believe

Can you hear me now?
Can you see me smile?
Can you understand the meaning of true love?

Sick

2005-02-01T17:25:00.000-05:00

I've been living in my bed since Sunday night. My show's coming up on Thursday. Technical rehearsal's tomorrow night. Better get better!

I haven't been so sick a quite a while. To the point that I couldn't even get out of my bed to write an email to cancel on somebody I was supposed to meet. Yeah. That sucked. I honestly thought that I had enough energy to take 10 minutes to walk to the Shatner building and hand him a ticket to my show. But nope, couldn't even take three steps to my computer. Plus, I barely know this guy. So much for first impressions. Talking about first impressions, I had to call in sick for work. And I just finished training last week. I wish all these people knew me from before, just so they can know that I'm really not making it all up.

School has taken a back seat to getting better. That sucks too. Mostly because I have to get better. Otherwise, I'll be coughing out my songs on stage instead of singing them... I missed a class on Leadership today. That would've been a good class. Hey, don't call me a dork.

Tina bought me soup. Jenny came by and gave me ginger tea. And Kenroy called and Anh Tai called. And Louis dropped by to give me money for tickets. Man, was I a mess. I'm suprised to have had as many "human interactions" these past few days. I'm a lucky girl, I know.

So being sick sucks. But whatchu gonna do. At least you get to lie in bed all day.

I'm feeling much better than I did yesterday. But I still can't seem to be able to taste my food... Tomorrow will be better. Oh, tomorrow better be better. And it will be. I just gotta get off my computer now, and lie down for a little more...

Try

2005-01-29T15:51:00.000-05:00

Isn't it annoying when somebody claims to care for you...? When they call you too much, when they remember every single thing you say... it's as if they're trying too hard, as if they have nothing better to do. It almost sucks all the coolness out of them, and that's it--without further ado, you've labelled them as losers who are just too desperate for you to be their friend.

Time out. Can we please just take a second and turn around, look back and think? These poeple are probably the most amazing people you'll ever meet. Who else can really lay their hearts on the line this way? Who else would be willing to care for someone so passionately, so sincerely? Who else could call you a friend, and be a friend, your friend--a real one--right off the bat?

It's quite intimidating, really. Of course, it's bizarre and... almost imposing when somebody grants you that kind of commitment, that kind of trust and support. It's scary, really. You wonder why they treat you so well, why they need you so much, what they see in you. Next thing you know, your head inflates and becomes bigger than it has ever been whenever you're around them. If they care so much about you, it must be because they like you a lot. There's nothing you could ever do to ever make them feel differently. They look up to you; so obviously, that makes them... well, "not as good", "not good enough" for you.

So we act like complete morons around them, because there's no risk of coming off badly. Our nose is pointed up real high. Giving them the slightest trace of acknoledgement makes us heroes. I mean, it's hard enough to have to put up with them, so it's really something to not try to get rid of them.

Why do people who love and care for us so dearly bring out the devil in us? We're all terrified, really. How could we welcome a friendship this strong, this powerful? What if we're wrong about them, what if they turn out to be total freaks? Why do they assume that we're so great when they barely know us? What do they want from us? What do they expect?

I must say I really admire anybody who can love and care so recklessly, willing to take the risk and responsibility to call themselves somebody's true friend. Please pat yourselves on the back for being so courageous.

I'm not saying that we must all embrace every single person we meet. I'm just saying, please try. Try and give time to those who see how outstanding you are. Try and keep your feet on the ground. Try to listen. Try to understand where they're coming from. Try to not judge. Try to not be so scared.

Try giving them a chance.

You and I Both

2005-01-27T11:21:00.000-05:00

Was it you who spoke the words
That things will happen but not to me
Oh things are gonna happen naturally
Oh taking your advice and I'm
Looking on the bring side
And balancing the whole thing

But often times those words get tangled up in the lines
And the bright lights turn to night
Until the dawn it brings
Another day to sing about the magic that was you and me

You and I both loved
What you and I spoke of
What others just read of
Others only dream of the love, the love that I love

See I'm all about them words
Over numbers, unemcumbered, numbered words
Hundreds of pages, pages, pages forwards
More words than I have ever learned
And I feel so alive

Now you and I, you and I
Not so little you and I anymore
And with this silence brings a moral story
More importantly evolving, is the glory of a boy

You and I both loved
What you and I spoke of
What others just read of
And if you could see me now
Well that I'm almost finally out of

And it's okay if you have to go away
Just remember the telephone they're working both ways
And if I never ever hear it ring

If nothing else I'll think the bells inside
Have finally founds you someone else and that's okay
Caus I'll remember everything you sang

--Jason Mraz

Unspoken Kindness

2005-01-25T23:28:00.000-05:00

Somebody thinks that I should play Sandy. Somebody wants me back as the only returning ambassador this year. Somebody told me that if they had a daughter, they'd want her to be just like me. Somebody thinks that I'm going to have the most amazing boyfriend. Somebody said that I was a great writer. Somebody believes that I am talented.

Wow...

At each and every single one of those... "exclamations", I couldn't help feeling so darn overwhelmed with flattery. I got that feeling of... "Oh my god, I can't believe you just said that to me...!" My eyes lit up, my heart beat faster, my stomach filled up with warm-fuzzy feelings, and my mind just had to think back and try to process what had just been said to me... It's great, really.

What I'm trying to say is... Somewhere, someone thinks you're amazing. They just didn't tell you. They just figured that you probably knew already, that somebody else probably told you. I mean, if you're an amazing person, you must know it, right? Sad truth is, the answer to that questions is "no".

So if you think somebody's great, let them know, will ya? And whenever you're feeling like... darn, there's nobody out there who sees all that I do, all that I am... well, think again. Because I can be sure that you are nothing but wrong on that statement.

All I Need...

2005-01-18T01:24:00.000-05:00

Hand me a mug of coffee,
A creamy one, a nice and sweet one,
Give me my scarf,
And let me sleep on my pillow,
That's all I need, really, that's all I need.

Just give me a hug,
A sincere one, a nice and sweet one,
Blow me a kiss,
And let me dream of tomorrow,
That's all I need, really, that's all I need.

Let me wake up with a smile,
A genuine one, a nice and sweet one,
Allow me to laugh,
Even for no apparent reason,
That's all I need, really, that's all I need.

Give me my coffee, my scarf and my pillow,
And I'll hug you and I'll blow you a kiss,
And I'll smile and laugh and say "remember this"—
That's all I need, really, that's all I need.

Inspired

2005-01-10T01:19:00.000-05:00

Maybe it's the new year. I'm suddenly understanding it all much better.

I have taken on a new attitude about life. Well, I wouldn't say it's new. It's just... clearer than before. I know I've always been a positive person, and I take pride in that. But I must say that I still need to work on being happier. Don't we all?

We all know that it's better to smile. But for some reason, many of us choose to cry. You wake up from the wrong side of the bed. Suddenly everything is wrong. You miss the bus, you trip on your way to school, you fail a quiz, you realise that you forgot your wallet... and then, you find out that your zipper's been open since you went to the bathroom this morning. Next thing you know, instead of just having a bad day, you're having a bad week... or wait, a bad year, a bad life. Did you ever think that you might have barely noticed any of those things if only you had a different attitude? We all know all the inspirational quotes and sayings, we all want to be happier. But for some reason, many of us still believe that the grass is greener on the other side.

I've decided to live better. To live healthier, to live happier. I'm going to stop living for tomorrow, for what might've been, for what should be. No more "what ifs" and "if onlys", no more expectaions. I will live for today, for this moment, this second. I will surround myself with what matters. Family. Friends. I will passionately pursue all that I love and all that moves my heart. I will take care of myself, eat well, stay active. I will thoroughly feel every emotion and learn to grow. I will live for me.

I don't want to bother with the "rules" of society, with what they expect of me. I just want to trust my instincts. I won't try to convince anybody to live a certain way. I will only lead by example, offer my sincere advice, lend a helping hand, and hope to make a difference.

Matthew Ryan Hoge wrote in his movie—The United States of Leland—that "most poeple don't have the inner strength to do good all the time," but I find it easier to be nice; it takes too much effort to hate, to be mad, to be upset, and to stay that way.

I will no longer be looking for that someone. As much as I believe in love, as much as I believe in sharing life with that one person that I adore, I believe that it'll all find me whenever it all finds me. I will simply live my life, love everything that I do, and greet everybody with a friendly smile along the way. If anybody likes what they see or want a little more, they can come knock on my door.

I've been inspired to just be happy. And I will be. I am happy. It's really just as simple as that. Just as easy as that. I've been aiming for the bull's eye of happiness for years. And I've been getting closer and closer as time goes by. Someone said, "there is no way to happiness, happiness is the way." Boy, they couldn't be more right. Do what you gotta do. Say what you gotta say. Treat yourself well, allow yourself to be the best that you can be. You owe it to yourself.

The new year was a great time to start living better, sure. But everyday is a new day; you shouldn't need to wait for a reason to start over. You can't put off something so important. It's never been so real.

What the heck, it's your life. Do what you please. It's all up to you.

Lemon Meringue Pie

2005-01-04T16:19:00.000-05:00

Pulled in town about a quarter to three
Singin' songs from Spain at the top of my lungs
She said hey babe when she saw it was me
I went lookin' for he, she was looking for fun
Dancing in the kitchen with a wooden spoon
I couldn't see what she was makin' fron the other side of the room
I took a step inside and made myself a part of that night
Derek came home and we played guitar
Sam I am and star you are
She said, you always gotta read the box, but you always gotta read me right

We made some lemon meringue pie
It sucked but anyway
I would make it with you again anytime
We ate your lemon meringue pie
I suppose that I shouldn't lie
It's the only reason I came by tonight

We listened in her room to a song about shame
On you on me and on every little thing
Playin' with the words on the tip of my tongue
But that ain't all I can do with the tip of my tongue
Lickin' the lemon filling as it drips down the long neck of my beer
Everyone was laughing, but you just smiled from ear to ear and said
You always gotta read the box but you always gotta read me right

Fly me to the moon and let me play among the stars
Let me see what spring would be like with you in my arms

--Jeremy Fisher

Holiday Season

2005-01-03T02:48:00.000-05:00

Home sweet home--I miss (things that give me warm fuzzy feelings)...

Mommy's homemade food
Janey's hugs and kisses
Waking up to a house full of people
Having meals as a family
Chatting on the living room sofa
Being able to dry my hair all the way with a blowdryer that works!!
Free laundry
Being able to take a shower in a big bathtub and being able to hold the showerhead in my hand
The house with multiple furnished rooms
Laughs with Alex
Conversations with Cat
Hanging out with old friends
Used CD and book stores
The familiar streets of downtown toronto

It's funny. I hadn't gotten sick in a while. And when I got home, I immediately fell ill. It was as if my body knew it was okay for me to be sick, because somebody was going to be there to take care of me. As if it had been hanging on, all this time, until I got home.

2005 To-Dos

Eat better. Cook more often. "You are what you eat" said my little sister.
Spend more time with friends. It's what's most important after all.
Be yourself, and let everybody know. Decorate your room, dress and express yourself the exact way you want to.
Perform more. Get into more acting, singing, dancing...
Do more for yourself. Take care of yourself.

Overall... improve your quality of life. Live happy. Feel. Care. Love. Be true. Be passionate. Be daring. Be proud. Be humble. Be smart. Smile. Cry if you want to. Laugh when you're done. Crash. Learn. Grow. Be yourself. Have no expectations. Dream. It's all up to you.

Happy New Year, everybody. May you all live passionately and feel all the love that surrounds you in this upcoming year.

Cheers!
Sherren xoxox

Dude

2004-12-18T14:24:00.000-05:00

You know you're one of the guys when you're always the only girl around and everything feels fine. But you know you're one of the guys when they start talking about male genital accidents, strip clubs, other girls, etc., while you're around.

When I make new friends, they tend to be guys. And I guess I've always known that I get along better with dudes, but lately, I've really actually realised that I really don't have that many girlfriends...

"I don't have many girlfriends, do I? Look it, most of the people here are guys." I said to my friend Alexis at my birthday party. "Yeah, I was kinda disapointed..!" he answered, with a chuckle.

It's funny, because I grew up with two sisters, my mommy and only one man in the house—my dad. So it's quite peculiar that I'm not more girly than I am. Neither of my sisters are very girly either. Hmm. Maybe it's because my mother isn't either... Yeah, that's probably it.

My sister Tina pointed out to me one night, after I got off the phone with one of my guy friends: "It's funny that you always turn to guys when you need advice, eh?" Oh yeah.. that's true...!

I've never really thought about why. I don't like to generalize and say bad things about the members of my own sexe. I just don't tend to find common ground with them, I guess.

Hey, I have no complaints.

I've got great friends. And it's not like I have absolutely zero girl friends; my two best friends are both female, and they're both beautiful and fantastic. This is just an observation I've made about my little life lately. And it's great.

I love my boys! And I love the fact that I can be one of the guys while still being a girl (caus I can be quite a girl); because while I allow them to be "guys", I can—whenever they're pushing the limit—still be able to say: "Dude, don't do that!"

Crazy Quiet

2004-12-16T00:04:00.000-05:00

A little exhausted. A lot tired.
Mentally drained. Physically wiped.

It's over now. It's a party in here.
Wanna scream and shout,
Wanna sing and dance.

A little exhausted. A lot tired.
A lively spirit. A fed up body.
It's crazy quiet in here.

Let's do something.
Let's celebrate.
Come on, come on.
Give me a break.

Eyes closed, feels good.
Feels fine to lie down.
But come on, come on...

Eyes closed, feels great.

Perhaps Mildly Sensitive...

2004-12-13T15:43:00.000-05:00

True enough. I've been studying like crazy for finals. And it's quite understandable that I would get stressed. I also have my other reasons why I might find my days a little bit cloudy over the past few days. Why, with everything's that's been going on in the great little life I'm living here! But you see, now, I'll never know whether I was honestly feeling blue, or if I was Perhaps (just maybe), a little Mildly (or overly) Sensitive about certain "issues" in my life...

Oh poor me. It just comes and smacks you right in the back of your head out of the blue on a Monday morning, doesn't it? And it always does.

So to meself I must apologize. At least this time I didn't snap at anyone. Well hey, I'm usually pretty good at dealing with being Perhaps Mildly Sensitive. I didn't even think that I ever got that way... until it smacks you right in the back of your head out of the blue on a Monday morning... and you look back and say—aaahhh! I see....!

Yup. I see.

Cheers to all the ladies out there who are victims of themselves!! (oh, but please—don't whine too much, 'caus that'll just make the members of the other sexe believe that it's an excuse, and us classy ladies out there are not gonna let that happen.)

On My Way Home

2004-12-10T23:49:00.000-05:00

It's 9:21pm, and it's way past dinner time. Sophie had been studying all day, and by now, she was only aware of the desperate gurgling sound her stomach was making. "Man, I gotta get myself some food." She realised that all she ate today was one of those miserable microwavable meals at about 11:30am, two cups of irish cream coffee (double cream, quadruple brown sugar), and a mediocre almond croissant she bought while studying at the cafe. "Alright, I've done enough for today. Time to go home and eat!" Eager to get home, she packed up her stuff, wrapped her scarf around her neck, slipped on her coat, and put on her hat to head out.

"Wow, it's so nice out." was her first thought as she stepped out of the cafe. It was snowing. Hard. But it wasn't cold at all. She didn't even have to zip up her coat. It was beautiful.

She was heading home. She really was. But as she walked past her street, she just kept going. It was too gorgeous a night to waste it by going back to an empty apartment. And somehow, her hunger left her alone for a while.

So she kept walking and thought about how nice it would be to go on the lower field of campus. And soon, she was the first one to leave footsteps on the big beautiful white surface. "How romantic," she thought, "it's too bad nobody could be here with me." She drew a trail in the shape of a heart for lovers to be moved by and walked in a way to spell out "dream" for dreamers to be inspired by... you know, if they ever happened to drop by. "This way, I'll sort of be there with somebody. And if somebody's here alone, they'll sort of be with me, too."

She walked around the field where nobody has walked before, and tried her best to take it all in; the christmas lights shining on McGill College, the endless snowflakes melting as they touched her face, her boots covered with light, sparkling snow...

"Alright, it's getting cold out here..." She suddenly felt it. It was as if she'd been in another world for a little bit, where it wasn't cold or wet, until her body told her: "enough." She was quite wet at this point. "I gotta get home before I make myself sick! Can't be sick during exam time and not be able to study..." So after promising herself that she'd visit her "dream" and her heart one last time, she finally brought herself, against her own will, to head back home.

As Sophie stepped into her building, she saw herself in the mirror. She was covered with snow and her face was as red as Rudolf's shiny nose. Her hat, her scarf, her shirt, her pants, her boots, her hair... were all soaked. And man, was she hungry.

Once she got into her sweet little apartment, she quickly changed into warm, comfortable and dry clothing, and made herself some delicious hot soup. While enjoying her soup, she thought to herself: "It really was so beautiful out there tonight."

What To Do...

2004-12-09T14:34:00.000-05:00

So it's 1:38pm. And I haven't really accomplished anything at all today. I've been idle since writing my two exams last night. But holy crap, 6 straight hours of concentration; it's really no fun at all.

My friend Jean told me on Tuesday: "Man, you're gonna have such a crappy day tomorrow!" and my response was: "Excuse me! I'm gonna have a great day!" Mouahaha. True. It was alright. Had a great morning studying alongside of my delicious, but oh-man-so-darn-expensive latte (seriously, $4 for a latte?!) at the Presse Cafe, and topping off my brain with a very last drop of management accounting. Yeah that was nice. And then I headed to dear Bronfman building to write my final. I did alright, I think. It all depends on how generous my prof's gonna feel when she marks my copy. But anyway. Back to having a great day. So all was going pretty ok at this point. And then I started stressing out, just a little bit, for my next final. Marketing. I loved that class, it was so much fun. And I didn't mind studying it at all either. But then, I felt like there was so much I was missing. Like, now that accounting was out of my head, it took some of marketing with it. Anyway. So I kept telling myself that, you know what Sherren, if you don't know it by now, you're screwed anyway... there's no point in trying to cram it all in within the 50mins between my two finals. Plus I was feeling a little lightheaded from not having any food all day, so I got meself some soup from the caf. It was good. After, I went into the exam room. Surprise. It was so hard!!! Damn. But after 2 hours and 15 minutes of mad concentration, I couldn't sit in there any longer. So I got out. Well I finished everything first, of course. So maybe I did okay. I coulda gotten an A in that class. And maybe I did? haha. That's a funny concept. Aaanyway, again. So I got out of the exam room and talked a bit to my prof who was out there asking me how it went. I said that it was ok. Which was sorta a half-lie. But it was true in a way too. And then I said, "I guess we'll find out!" And he agreed. I like that man. He's a good prof. One of the best profs I've had at McGill. OK! Back to my point. Sorry about all the tangents. I really can't help it. Look, here I go again... So. After I left the dear Bronfman building and started walking back home, I felt quite relieved. But oh man, did I feel drained. I didn't realise that sitting on your posterior and moving your hand (to write) for 6 hours could flush all that energy right out of you. I got home, feeling so darn lightheaded, and ordered some foooood. Yum. I watched "City of God", what an amazing movie. Couldn't snap out of it in the end for a little bit though. So it was a good day afterall. I mean, feeling drained and lightheaded aside, it was great.

And now... being real unproductive. Next final's on Monday. So I got some time. But it's stats, and stats are no fun. So I'm just sitting here. Wondering what to do next.

Jane

2004-12-09T01:46:00.000-05:00

My darling little sister. A beautiful girl.
She's the baby of the family, sure, but she has taken
my hand and helped me walk through many dark alleys.

She knows what she believes in.
Sometimes, when we all seem to forget what's right and
what wrong, she'll remind you, right then and there, and
surprise you, with the deepest yet simplest answers.

The way she dresses—she's a great dresser, I must say
—and the way she carries herself... there's just something
about her that makes her so... complete.

You see right through people, Jane. I don't know how you
do it. But you're a great judge of character. Not only do you
get bad gut feelings about certain people, but you know how
to recognise what makes somebody so special, what makes
them an individual... and you take the time to let them know
about it; that's so amazing. You've been through many kinds
of drama, darling, but you've always been able to stay so
strong... and I'm so proud of you.

I've got you to thank for allowing me to tell you anything and
everything, for being my fashion adviser =P, for having that
"sister vibe", for trusting me with your lastest and hottest
news, and for making me laugh... so hard.

I love you so much, Jane, and which ever hottie you're gonna
choose to love is gonna be the luckiest dude in the world...!