Happy 2008. A little Belated.

Happy New Year! New Year's resolution? "Oh, just do it."

Yup, that sums it up! Stop thinking about it. Stop thinking about the implications. The future. Just do it. Here is the thought process:

Is it something you want? If yes, proceed.
Is this something that makes you happy? If yes, PROCEED.

As simple as that. Of course, if I were an evil person, it would not be a very good resolution.... because I would probably hurt lots of poeple and break lots of things. Thankfully, disregarding other's feelings does not make me happy. What I want, at least for today, is to better myself... in every way. Live happy.

Actually, live happy is the first step. Everybody's I think. Then, when you are happy, you can really start to accomplish things. Real things. Things like being able to listen. Love. Believe in others. But especially, believe in yourself.

I remember talking about being happy a lot. About what it takes for someone to be happy. I always loved the quote: "There is no way to happiness. Happiness is the way." And I still find it oh so very wise. Although, I must say... sometimes, it gets hard. When things just don't go the way you thought they would. When your heart breaks. When you get let down. When you have what-else-can-possibly-go-wrong days and yet another thing goes wrong... and another. Anyway, you get my point.

What is the key then? Ah, who knows. For me, it was not giving up. Of course, it helps that I have amazing people around me. Who don't tell me that the world is wonderful... but who are there for me when it isn't. They don't promise that things will be okay, but tell me I must move on. On top of that, they don't do it in a mean, lecturing voice, but in a loving and soothing tone! haha. I just figure.. if people like them exist, the world can't be that bad.

And it really isn't! And here we are again. With the key. The believing. The faith. The unfailing positive attitude. I will say no more. Only you can convince you. Or if you have friends with loving and soothing voices, you should ask them to convince you. It's worth it, just trust me.

Wow! Well that was a long tangent. All this to say that... for the first time in a long time, I am happy. And I am ready to get started on doing all those real things. Like being able to listen. Love. Believe in others. Believe in myself.... to do all the things I've been dreaming of doing.

To look at my to-do list, say "Oh, just do it..." and actually do it.

I Just Want to Be Happy

I just want to be happy. I just want things to be simple. Straightforward. Honest and real.

I just want it to be easy. To talk. To communicate. To understand. Just like that.

I just want to get what a want. Without having to try too hard. Without having to work or fight for it. Without having to walk the right winding path.

I just want to do it all the right way. No mistakes. No falling down. I just want to stand tall.

I just want to trust. To never have to doubt you. To never have to wonder if you mean what you say. Or say what you mean.

I just want you to know. Who I am. What makes me laugh. What makes me cry.

I just want to laugh. Never want to cry. Never want to feel sad. I just want to smile.

I just want to be happy. For me. For you. For everybody.

It's quite a childish way of thinking, I suppose.
It's quite funny, I guess.
It's really quite unreasonable, I know.

It's quite boring... perhaps.

But can I just wish this..?

Just for one single moment, one single second...

To just simply be happy.

Here's to 2007

Happy new year! That seems like the most appropriate thing to say on a day such as this. Well, I mean, on the first day of the year. WOoohooOo! (Can you tell I'm not all there? =p)

It's been a short break. It's been a long crazy year. I suppose I'm glad it's all over. But friends have come and gone away for the break. And now, it's back to reality.

Last few months of school. Last term in class. Maybe forever.

I have no idea where I'll be by this time next year.

But here's to Good Things. Here's to taking more risks, making more bad decisions (hopefully less than last year). Here's to growing up, growing wiser as opposed to growing bitter... and hopefully growing more brave to go for the things we really do hold dear to our hearts. Like dreams. Like passion. Like love.

Here's to more good than bad. More laughs than tears... and always more food and wine than empty stomachs.

Here's to you, friends! Have an amazing one.

Can't Sleep

I didn't even have any coffee today. I mean, at least not anytime after six... as I always try to avoid. In fact, I didn't even have any coffee after four, for that matter. Sure, I had two large ones before then, but it was still before four.

I should be tired. I really should be. I woke up, unwilling to get up this morning. I spent all day at the laundromat cafe. It was really nice. I should go there more often. I spent all day at the laundromat cafe, studying, sipping coffee, havind lunch... and well, doing laundry. It was nice. I got a lot done. Without stressing. It was really nice at the laundromat cafe.

I say that I am freaked out for my second exam on Tuesday. And I am. I mean I very well should be. I know nothing. I literally have no idea what the material is. And I shall be on stage tomorrow night, twice on saturday, and twice on sunday. When will I study? I guess I have Monday. But Monday isn't enough. Didn't I mention that I know nothing? Yet I could not bring myself to start studying tonight. A good night's sleep I said I needed. An early start in the morning is better than a late night up.

Now I have gotten out of bed. It's late. I'm still awake. And I will have to wake up early tomorrow morning for my early start that I specifically planned for so that everything could turn out to be dandy. That was a long sentence. I know. Look how everything worked out so well.

I am wide awake. Even though I really thought I was tired. I mean, I did have a long day. After spending all day getting a lot done at the laundromat cafe, I headed over to the theatre. Just in time to put on scandalous makeup, costumes... warm up, and razzle dazzle. It's fun playing a murderess. Fun being a jailbird. I get to climb and hang off of a scaffolding. I get to watch the show on stage. I get to be a prima donna, a total snob... completely irritating. Oh how fun to be an actor!

But also how tiring. If I don't sleep now, I will be tired in the morning. I probably wouldn't be productive when I will attempt to study. And then I will be tired for my show. I'm already a little sore from climbing the scaffolding. What if I forget my moves? There were some moves that I missed tonight. How did they go again? Oh yes, I have to remember that. And this. And that.

I should be tired. I really should be tired. I don't understand why I can't sleep. I don't understand it at all.

I made some tea. It's called dreamland. I suppose it's supposed to help me sleep. I'm almost done. The mug's almost empty...