Tuesday, March 30, 2004


I love... love.

It's been so long since I've had a real honest and interesting conversation with somebody. Even with my closest friends. And I realise... close friends don't stay close. Not if you don't keep up with each other.

I've always been a positive person. Be optimistic. Things will get better. There's always two sides to a story.. and one of them must be good. So why dwell on the negative and make yourself feel miserable? That's always been the way I thought. Why be sad if you have the choice to be happy? But lately... I'm not so sure.

I guess I've never had a reason to be upset. And if I ever feel bad about something - anything - I realise how silly it is and how such things really shouldn't upset me. So I don't talk about it and I don't complain about it. I force myself to get over it.. because truly, it's no big deal. That's a problem. So when I'm with my friends and they ask me how I am, I say that I'm great. Because everything is going well in my life. And I hate being negative all the time.. because I know how annoying that can be. I never want to become that person. Always complaining, always upset. So I just keep being positive. But in that process, I believe that I've put some things away that I shouldn't have...

I always tell people - it's all about how you feel. In one of my songs, I say: "It's all about how you feel, doesn't matter if you're wrong or right, if your heart's speaking, you know it's real, don't you worry if you don't know why." And I always had that philosophy. I guess I've been contradicting myself all along.

Little things, one after the other... eventually pile up, eventually becomes a burden.. a weight that you can't carry anymore. And then it's over. Now... I don't want to be positive all the time. I just want to live these feelings... and I believe it's the right way to go.

So let yourself feel every emotion, whether it's good or bad. Truly feel it, deal with it, and get over it. Because if you hide it away, it'll keep creeping up on you, and you'll never be able to put it behind you, and you'll never be able to be truly happy.

Don't pull off the band aid too fast, because if the wound hasn't healed yet, you just might make it worse...