Can't Sleep

I didn't even have any coffee today. I mean, at least not anytime after six... as I always try to avoid. In fact, I didn't even have any coffee after four, for that matter. Sure, I had two large ones before then, but it was still before four.

I should be tired. I really should be. I woke up, unwilling to get up this morning. I spent all day at the laundromat cafe. It was really nice. I should go there more often. I spent all day at the laundromat cafe, studying, sipping coffee, havind lunch... and well, doing laundry. It was nice. I got a lot done. Without stressing. It was really nice at the laundromat cafe.

I say that I am freaked out for my second exam on Tuesday. And I am. I mean I very well should be. I know nothing. I literally have no idea what the material is. And I shall be on stage tomorrow night, twice on saturday, and twice on sunday. When will I study? I guess I have Monday. But Monday isn't enough. Didn't I mention that I know nothing? Yet I could not bring myself to start studying tonight. A good night's sleep I said I needed. An early start in the morning is better than a late night up.

Now I have gotten out of bed. It's late. I'm still awake. And I will have to wake up early tomorrow morning for my early start that I specifically planned for so that everything could turn out to be dandy. That was a long sentence. I know. Look how everything worked out so well.

I am wide awake. Even though I really thought I was tired. I mean, I did have a long day. After spending all day getting a lot done at the laundromat cafe, I headed over to the theatre. Just in time to put on scandalous makeup, costumes... warm up, and razzle dazzle. It's fun playing a murderess. Fun being a jailbird. I get to climb and hang off of a scaffolding. I get to watch the show on stage. I get to be a prima donna, a total snob... completely irritating. Oh how fun to be an actor!

But also how tiring. If I don't sleep now, I will be tired in the morning. I probably wouldn't be productive when I will attempt to study. And then I will be tired for my show. I'm already a little sore from climbing the scaffolding. What if I forget my moves? There were some moves that I missed tonight. How did they go again? Oh yes, I have to remember that. And this. And that.

I should be tired. I really should be tired. I don't understand why I can't sleep. I don't understand it at all.

I made some tea. It's called dreamland. I suppose it's supposed to help me sleep. I'm almost done. The mug's almost empty...

Under My Duvet

I want to stay in bed all day. Slip under my duvet, and let it keep me warm. Close me eyes, travel to dream world.

I know it's morning, it's even close to noon. Not sleepy anymore... I could get up and start my day.

But it's so safe here. All alone, don't have to deal with the world. Don't have to face anybody. Don't have to try to say or do the right thing. Don't have to give. Don't have to expect anything.

Here, I'm just me. I'm just warm. Just rested. Just me and my dreams.

And my dreams, good or bad, are just dreams.

So please please just let me hide under my big white comfy duvet. Maybe just for another minute.

Just for another minute, please.