Sunday, January 18, 2004


So I like Friends and Dawson's creek and all those cheesy, irrealistic movies and tv shows. Why? Well I guess it's caus I really wanna believe that such senarios can happen in real life. Just look at them! The relationships between Rachel, Joey, Chandler, Monica, Ross and Phoebe. The closeness between Dawson, Pacey, Joey, Jen and Jack. It's truly incredible, isn't it?

Now, I ask myself - why do people make fun of Dawson's creek? Why is it considered to be such a mindless show when what it talks about is what is truly real? Is it because people are too afraid to accept that such genuine people actually do exist and that, by denying it, they can justify why they can't seem to find them? I mean... what can be more real than people coming together and being there for each other under all circumstances?

What does it take for people to pull together and really care for each other? And I don't mean just hanging out together and having fun together. I mean really caring for each other. Really loving each other. It's really bizzare that it seems so difficult to find, because everybody's looking for it and therefore.. it must be everywhere. Poeple don't have real relationships anymore. Friends come and go - people aren't connected to each other anymore. Everybody's alone, constantly meeting new faces and constantly losing people. Divorce rates have gone up and one-night stands are becoming more and more popular. Why?

I'm sure that we all long for good, lasting, warm relationships... but maybe people are too scared to open up to others and trust them completely. And maybe that's why people need to get liquored up to gather the guts to ask out that nice girl or to kiss that cute guy. People always tell me that the real world is not as perfect as I imagine it to be. But how would they know if they're always escaping it by drinking, by getting high, by closing themselves off? It's more fun, they say. They create their own reality. One in where they can disapear, re-create themselves and meet strangers to form new relationships. 'Caus otherwise, there is no way they'd ever have met them. But then what? They just keep getting drunk and keep getting high with them. Sure, they're friends! They party together. It's what's fun, isn't it? Why stay sober and not be able to carry on great conversations?

Doesn't that sound pathetic? Why look for fun in another world if love is present right in front of you? If you feel comfortable, loved and happy with your life, with the people who surround you, then there really isn't any need to look for that excitement elsewhere. If you're in a good relationship, you won't be feeling the void that everybody's been feeling and trying to fill. I guess that's why I've never been a fan of drinking too much. I don't wanna kiss that cute guy who's been drinking and not ever see him again. I don't wanna have a great night with someone and have them remember me vaguely the next day or even have them being shy around me the next time I see them. I don't wanna to have to start from zero everytime. I probably have my mommy and dad and my dear sisters to thank for that - for having a nice childhood.. you know, feeling loved and all that stuff.

It's also kind of the same with the internet. I've met so many people who have great conversations with each other online. Classmates who happen to get each other's e-mail addresses and talk forever on MSN or ICQ. But when they get back to school, it's as if none of that had happened and they have once again become strangers. Kinda like living two different lives... So I've promised myself that if I ever meet or talk to anybody through e-mail or instant messaging, I will make sure that I incorporate it in my "actual" relationship with the person I'm conversing with.

Maybe alchool or weed or talking through a screen allows people to loosen up and have deeper conversations, letting people develop relationships. But if a friend is worthy enough of such talk, then shouldn't you trust them and more importantly, trust yourself enough to have the confidence to say such things without any artificial influence? Isn't exposing yourself truthfully by being fully aware of it despite your fear worth finding a genuine relationship?

Think about it.

Monday, January 12, 2004

It Goes Both Ways

Don't accuse me of being too nice. First of all, I can't help it. And second of all, you shouldn't be taking advantage. Alright... maybe I am over sensitive and I think too much. And maybe I try too hard. Maybe I ask too many "how are yous" and tell you too many times that you can count on me. But thinking back on it.. with true friends, it is hardly necessary to "try too hard".

If you have taken me seriously and really see me as a real friend, then you'd be picking up the phone to give me a call, you'd come to me when you have troubles and really hear what I have to say, from my advice to my ranting... without having me call you first or asking you if life's good.

You gotta work at a relationship, said my little sister. And she's right. It's not just about spending time together when you have time, it's making the time and effort to show that friend of yours that you do care and do love to spend time with them. True enough, a friend should understand that you lead a busy life and have other things to do or have just moved on to a new stage of your life where you've met new people you now associate with all the time. But what kind of reason is: "Sorry, I can't see you because I have new friends." ?? Call me crazy, but I thought that excuse actually sounded quite reasonable... But now that I hear it... it's kind of heartbreaking.

If you really enjoy the company of somebody, it should be effortless to make time for them. Don't we all agree that there's always time for the things that makes us happiest? If a relationship becomes too much of a burden, maybe it's not worth keeping it. But please, don't hang out all the time and then never call for a month.

My big sister says that friends are periodic. And I think she makes sense, too. Friends come and go and it's the good times spent together that matter. When they move on to bigger and more exiting things, you just gotta let them go and cherish the unforgettable memories you've had with them. But isn't that kind of sad? To think there isn't one person who cares for you enough to stick around, who wants to know that you're okay and who wants your opinion on their dilemmas...? It is kind of devastating.

I guess it's all about perspective.

All I gotta say is - please look around you and give poeple the time and attention they deserve. And if they're great but for some reason, you don't have interest in this particular person, have a little respect, treat them with courtesy and don't ever make them believe that you care for them as much as they care for you. They'll understand, respect you and just know that things weren't meant to be...!

Cherish what you have, be sincere and remember that any kind of relationships goes both ways.

Friday, January 02, 2004

Not a Girl

Ever since I was a kid, I never liked to be considered a "girl". It was just so typical. Girls loved shopping and took ages to get ready to go out. They cared about their makeup, the way they were dressed, the way they looked and they annoyed boys with completely mindless matters... They spent way too much time gossiping and only befriended those who were considered to be "cool". Guys just seemed to be so much more laid back. They didn't seem to care who you were for them to hang out with you. I always made sure that my guy friends knew that I was more of a "boy". "I'm not a girl" I'd say.

And each time anybody made any kind of generalisations about girls, I'd repeat that same sentence. I mean, I never watched what I ate in fear of gaining extra pounds; I always wanted to be the sporty one, not afraid of breaking a nail; and I never was too fond of barbies or soap operas... On top of everything, I seemed to get along much better with boys than girls. Even now, I still utter that same sentence: "I'm not a girl".

But lately, I thought of this statement and realised that I may be totally wrong. I actually am sort of a girl. Still, I'm that girl who loves watching chick flicks, longs for a boyfriend who is a romantic gentleman and adore the color pink. I still love little children, cry when I'm sad and have long conversations on the phone. You can really say that I'm "such a girl". There are so any generalisations about girls that also apply to me, but I always stressed that things just happened to be that way and that there are no excuses to use such stereotypes under any circumstances... and I still believe that. But all that just made me realise that maybe I am a pretty typical girl...

I guess I still don't really know which side I want to take. And I guess it's not really about that and it really doesn't matter what I decide. As long as I know that I am true to myself, I will be fine. It shouldn't matter whether people view me as typical or not. If I happen to fall into the mold of a typical girl, then so be it. I'm only who I am and am not trying to fit into any kind of profile that has been pre-written out for me. I'm simply that girl who relishes a delicious bubble bath after an exciting game of paintball.

I'm a girl, and proud to be.

Thursday, January 01, 2004


When I smile: When the sun shines, when a warm breeze blows, when I make somebody smile, when people fall in love, when "friends" is on, when a child laughs, when the phone rings for me, when poeple make up, when I read a good book, when we celebrate, when I achieve, when I dream.
What I love: A sunday afternoon, a bubble bath, a gorgeous song,a beautiful quote, a passionate dreamer, a walk underneath the stars, a shirt smelling like Armani Aqua-di for men, a sincere hug, a twinkle insomeone's eyes, a canoe camping trip, a truthful promise, an unspokenunderstanding, a couple in love, a genuine smile, an honest man, aconversation that lasts until the sun goes down and rises again.
Who I thank: You, the elementary school bus driver who looked outfor me when you drove me home; you, the genuinely nice person; you, the impassioned and dedicated teacher; you, who held the door for me; you, who helped the old lady carry her groceries; you, who said please and thanks; you, who raised honest and respectful children; you, who asked and listened; you, who said hello; you, who cherish your siblings;you, who asked how are you; you, who see the glass half full.
What I dream: To make a difference, to touch a heart, to dry a tear,to sing a song, to tell a meaningful story, to help people disapear, togive faith, to be in love, to show everybody that dreams come true.
What I believe: That the best moments in life are the cheesiestones, that everything happens for a reason, that you will always have a choice, that you can do anything you really want to do, that when life sucks and can't suck anymore, you can still get up if you decide to, thatyour whole life is in your head, that true love exists, that a smile is contagious, that you are unique, that it's all about how you feel, thatyour heart decides much better than your head.